


Castiel in Pieces

by FKAErinElric



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel lore headcannon, Dean just wants his Castiel Back, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Gabriel is a good uncle, Heartbroken Dean Winchester, M/M, Memories, Memory Loss, Season/Series 13 Spoilers, jack is upset, slightly AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-10 08:17:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 26,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17422247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FKAErinElric/pseuds/FKAErinElric
Summary: Cas becomes ill after they return from apocalypse world. Jack decides to heal him which unlocks memories that Naomi had locked away in Cas's mind. Cas begins to fall apart in front of them, can the family help heal him or is he doomed to be in pieces.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so I kind of changed the ending of season 13. Also spoilers for season 13 so read at own risk. You don't have to worry about any spoilers for season 14 as I haven't seen it :) Enjoy

Castiel couldn’t believe how different the other world was from their own. Apocalypse world as the Winchesters had referred to it as. They were out in the search for Charlie and Ketch who had been captured by the angels. Cas felt a quick shutter go through his body. The thought of his kind decimating this world made him ill. He let out a small sigh, though the refugees trusted Jack (Cas figured it was because he had been helping them) But Cas felt like they didn’t trust him, they glared at him and Gabriel and Lucifer (though Lucifer was Lucifer so that probably was why) He clinched his fists he wanted to help these humans, he felt almost at fault even though it wasn’t he or his brothers and sisters actions. He took a sharp breath as he seen another version of himself heading right towards him.

            Nothing was as disturbing as another version of himself coming at him. He shook his head, bad enough the creature in the Empty looked like him now here he goes about to face down himself again. He cornered the other Castiel who let out a very undignified yelp. Cas made a mental note to ask Dean if he’s yelps sound that… girly.

            The other world Castiel held up his hands and looked at him. Shock was clear across his face he didn’t expect to see another him either. “Wait no!” He screamed with a strange accent as Cas drew out his angel blade. “Please don’t we are the same.”

            Cas felt his eyes narrow out of annoyance. “We are nothing alike.”

            The other Castiel stared at him and a small smirk played across his face. “No? Maybe I should find out?”

            Before Cas could move the other version of himself laid his fingers on his forehead. Cas felt a brief flash of pain, he plunged his blade into the alternate version of himself who let out a scream and hit the floor. He glared at the fallen Cas his head pounded as he looked down at him.

            “Cas!” Dean called. “Are you okay?” he asked he was right by his side his hand on his shoulder.

            He gave him a nod. “I think so… just didn’t think I would,” He pointed at the other Castiel. “Have to kill myself.”

            Dean rubbed his back lightly. “I’m sure it’s weird.” He pulled him into a hug. “At least you dealt with him…”

            Cas could tell by Dean’s tone that he meant he wouldn’t have been able to do it. “Yeah Dean but he wasn’t me... he spoke with some weird accent.” He felt a brief surge of pain in his head and he flinched, exhaustion creeped up on him and he fought it back. He could be tired once they got back to the Bunker.

            Dean looked around and placed a small kiss on Cas’s head. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

            He gave a small nod. “I’m fine let’s just go. We got to get out of here before the portal closes.”

            They headed back to the base which was Bobby’s salvage yard with Ketch and Charlie in tow. Cas had put the whole incident with the alternate him behind him; little did he know that, that incident would change him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas just can't seem to shake a headache as he maintains a brave face in front of the others

It had been several hours since they had escaped Apocalypse world. They were celebrating their victory. Everyone had made it through and Sam had dealt with Lucifer.

            Cas took a sip of his beer that Dean gave him and studied the other man as he talked to Bobby. He still had a head ache from earlier. He flinched as he tried to summon his grace to heal his aching body. Unfortunately it didn’t help. Annoyance shot through him.

            “Dude are you okay?” Sam asked. The youngest Winchester had snuck up on him while he was in thought.

            “I am fine, Sam.” He lied. Dean didn’t see the alternate version of himself lay a hand on him. Cas figured he was just tired from the ordeal. Sam had died been brought back by Lucifer, he felt pain in the knowledge that he had left Sam behind. He shook his head; he didn’t think the alternate Castiel had enough time to do anything to him before he killed him.

            “Are you sure?”

            “I am in pretty good understanding of my own body and grace, Sam.” His tone was annoyed. He sighed, “I don’t think I am used to having this many people crammed into one place.”

            Sam gave a nod. “Okay, I thought I would check you look… you look so tired.”

            He sipped his beer. “Well you look tired too.”

            Sam rolled his eyes. “Well I did die.” He patted the angel’s back. “If you need some space then go ahead and get some. Dean’s too busy talking to probably even notice.”

            He let out a chuckle. “I don’t think I need Dean’s permission to do anything.”

            “I know just,” He shook his head. “Please take care of yourself.”

            He raised an eyebrow. Sam had told him about how hard Dean had taken his death. Dean took most deaths hard usually blaming himself for them. Castiel knew that Dean was a kind soul despite his assbutt tendencies that was one of the reasons why he loved Dean. “Same to you Sam.” The taller man stepped away and left Castiel to his thoughts. The pain in his head returned and he frowned. He looked around the room to see were Gabriel was. He spotted the archangel in the corner that was in the middle of chatting up Rowena. Cas shook his head. The headache was probably nothing and he really didn’t want to get between Gabe and Rowena. He decided that the headache was probably nothing and bothering Gabriel over it seemed silly now that he thought about it.

            “Cas.”

            He looked up to see Dean waving at him. He walked over to his boyfriend.

            Dean put his arm around him. “What’s with you standing off by yourself?”

            He gave a small shrug. “Not really used to being around this many people.” He lied

            Dean gave a nod. “I can understand that.” He pulled him in closer which made Cas feel nervous. It was only recently that Dean started to display public affection. It had taken them a while to warm up to Sam and Jack being around them but now here was Dean displaying it and in front of people who spent the last few years being afraid of angels.

            “Dean,” He said softly. He felt eyes on them and he frowned.

            The hunter smirked and pulled him closer. “I was telling Bobby about how we stopped the apocalypse.”

            Cas gave a nod and Bobby gave him a small glare. “I see.” Cas was not used to being given such harsh looks. He wondered what his other world counterpart did to these people.

            “Sorry I’m just not used to,” Bobby gestured at the two men. “No offense.” He added with a shrug.

            “None taken.” Dean said he sipped his drink. “See most angels are dicks. Cas here is different.” Dean looked at him with a smile and Cas tried not to chuckle. “Well he can be a dick just not as much as most angels.”

            Cas rolled his eyes. “Sometimes you can be too.” He felt the pain in his head again. He knew that it was getting late.

            “Cas you look tired as hell.” Dean patted his arm. “Maybe you should go to bed.”

            “I don’t sleep, Dean.” He responded

            “Cas,” He pulled him closer and whispered. “Go to bed get some rest, watch some Netflix and relax or I’ll make you.”

            It was a hollow threat and Cas knew he could easily take Dean on but he wasn’t in mood for a fight. He gave a nod and got up. He felt himself wobble for a second and Dean was at his side so fast he almost didn’t see him move.

            “I think he might have had one too many.” Dean joked. “I’m going to make sure he gets back to his room okay. I’ll be back.” Dean announced.

            The couple weaved through the large crowd of people to the dormitory area. Cas felt fine after the initial stumble but he was happy to have Dean alone.

            Dean led him to his room and opened the door. “I know you don’t sleep Cas.” He led him over to his bed. “But you are clearly tired.”

            Cas let out a sigh and removed his over coat and suit jacket as well as his tie. “I have had a head ache since we returned from the other world.”

            Dean hmmed in understanding. “Probably just tired Cas.” He patted his arm and looked at him with a smile. “Maybe in a little bit I’ll come around and we can,” He pulled him into a hug. “We can both relax.” He added an eyebrow wiggle.

            He rolled his eyes. “Dean,” he said with an exacerbated tone.

            “Get your mind out of the gutter Cas.” He said with a giggle and kissed his cheek. “I think I might come around for a cuddle session.” He gave him another kiss.

            “Sure that’s what you meant Dean.” Cas laughed and kissed Dean on the lips.

            He smiled. “I’ll be back either way.” He let him go. “I’m going to head back to the party.” He gave him another kiss. “Love you Cas.”

            “Love you too Dean.” He said and Dean left. Cas pulled out some comfier clothes and changed into them. He sunk onto the bed and turned on his TV. He selected a program and relaxed into the bed. The headache was easing up now maybe he was just tired. He let out a suppressed yawn and closed his eyes and drifted to sleep. The day’s events slipped out of his mind completely all he needed was some rest.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Cas wakes up feeling worse than the night before Jack tries to heal him

Castiel woke up sometime later. He felt something up against him. He reached his hand out and touched something soft. He opened his eyes and say an arm around his waist he figured it was Dean. He rubbed his hand and Dean let out a small groan.

            “You awake Cas?” He asked his voice groggy from sleep.

            “Hmmm,” He gave as a non-answer. He pulled Dean closer to him suddenly craving his warmth.

            “Headache gone?”

            He thought about it. For the most part it was gone but he was so tired. He frowned. “I’m tired.”

            “You’re hot too.” Dean said as he worked his hand under his shirt.

            “I know Dean you think I’m hot.”

            “No, I mean ya I think you’re hot but I mean you’re actually hot to the touch.” Dean got his hand out from under Cas’s shirt and laid his hand on his forehead.

            “My temperature is higher than a human’s remember? We discussed this before when you called me your personal space heater.”

            “I don’t know man. You feel warmer.” He pulled away from him and got out of the bed. He stretched and yawned. “I’m about to make coffee you getting up?”

            If Cas was being honest he didn’t feel like getting up. He gave a halfhearted shrug and made his way to the edge of the bed and got up. “Do we have enough coffee for everyone?”

            Dean frowned. “I almost forgot about them.” He looked at the clock. “It’s pretty late I wonder if they got up.”

            Cas shrugged. “Guess we should find out.”

 

            The two of them made it to the kitchen area. Sam was up already coffee in hand.

            “Morning.” He greeted.

            “Morning.” Dean said. He poured a cup of coffee and made one for Cas and gave it to him. “Where is everyone?”

            “Out. Bobby and mom went for a walk. Jack is in the ‘Dean cave’ watching TV, Gabe and Rowena are… out I think.” Sam said.

            “What about the others?” Dean asked and sat beside Sam.

            Sam looked at Cas and then frowned. “Dean they uh…” He ran his hand through his hair. “They took off.”

            He raised an eyebrow. “They left the Bunker?”

            He nodded. “Yeah uh… apparently they weren’t comfortable being around the angels.”

            Cas frowned. He figured as much. “Not surprised I could sense their unease.” He drank his coffee.

            Dean shrugged. “Well they can always come back if they want.”

            “Cas are you feeling better?” Sam asked

            Cas nodded and then Dean added. “Yeah but he’s hot.”

            Sam looked at him. “Dean now is not the time to flirt.”

            “I’m not man touch him he’s hot.” Dean said he grabbed Sam’s hand and laid it on Cas’s arm.

            Sam frowned. “Come on man don’t,” He paused. “Cas, Dean is right you’re burning up.” He reached up and placed his hand on his forehead and jerked it away. “Can angels get sick? Because it feels like you’re running a fever.”

            Cas shook his head. “I’ve never heard of an angel getting sick… well other than that time we fought pestilence. But I was almost human then.”

            Sam looked at Dean. “Maybe we should tell Gabriel.”

            “No, even if I am sick as you two think Gabriel will be unable to help he’s grace is still recovering.” Cas said.

            “We got Jack.” Dean said with a shrug

            Cas frowned. “I think Jack needs some more practice before he starts healing. Besides,” He finished his coffee. “I feel fine.”

            Both brothers looked at him in suspicion.

            He rolled his eyes. “Okay I don’t feel great but its fine.” He went to stand up but he felt weak and sat back down. “Alright not fine.”

            “Damn it, Cas.” Dean was at his side to give him support.

            “Dude you are clearly sick.” Sam said as he supported the other side.

            “I can’t be.” Cas said he was too tired to fight with them he just wanted to go to bed and watch Netflix.

            “But what if,” Sam started.

            “What if what Sammy?” Dean asked

            “We were in another world. What if there was an angel illness? One that isn’t in our world.” Sam said

            “Not likely.” Cas said.

            “What happened to Castiel?” Jack asked as he entered the room. The young man looked worried.

            “Cas is sick, Jack.” Dean said

            “I’m not sick.” Cas argued. He looked at Dean who was clearly worried. He shouldn’t fight with his boyfriend he was only trying to help.

            “Do you think you can heal him?” Sam asked

            Jack frowned. “I am not sure. I have never healed anyone before.” The Nephilim walked closer to them and laid his hand on Cas’s forehead. “Father, you are burning up from what I know a fever does indicate illness.”

            Cas looked at Jack. He was clearly worried about him. “I think mayhap something is wrong.” He felt a shiver run through his body and he was aching. “I feel cold, and hot… and achy.”

            “Great he’s got some angel cold.” Dean huffed. “You better not be contagious.”

            “Dean what if this is serious? What if Cas is really, really sick?” Sam asked

            Jack’s eyes widen. “Castiel is really sick?” His voice trembled.

            Cas took Jack’s hand. “I am fine I’ll be fine.”

            “Maybe we can consult the lore and see if there is anything about this angel cold.” Sam suggested. “Or call Gabe.”

            Jack looked at them and frowned. “I think maybe I can try to heal him. If it doesn’t work we can call Uncle.” He reached out to Castiel

            Castiel briefly leaned back then stopped when he seen Jack look upset. “Okay, I’ll walk you through it. Channel you’re grace.”

            “Okay.” He’s eyes turned gold.

            “Now think of taking the illness away of me being heathy.”

            Jack nodded then laid his two fingers on Cas’s forehead and closed his eyes.

            Cas felt the warmth of Jack’s grace entering him. He felt the softness and the concern for him as it enveloped him. He felt the pain ease up, the tiredness faded and slowly he felt like himself again.

            Jack pulled his hand away. “Did I do well?” He asked an unsure smile came across his face.

            “Yes Jack I feel a lot better.” Cas said.

            Jack grinned as if he won the lottery. “Good I am happy I could help Castiel.”

            “Look at that another win in the books, Jack can heal.” Dean said. He got up from his chair. “Let’s go have breakfast like a family.”

            “Can we have pancakes?” Jack asked

            Dean patted him on the back. “You can have whatever you want, Jack. You did well today.”

            Jack looked pleased with himself.

            Cas smiled. “I feel great now.”

            Castiel if he was being honest hadn’t felt this good in almost a hundred years. He felt lighter, he’s usual sore wings didn’t hurt now, he thought he felt pretty good beforehand but now it was like the weight of the years was lifted off his shoulders.

            The four of them got in the Impala. Cas looked out the window as the two brothers discussed various topics and Jack was busy reading a book. There was a strange sensation invading Cas’s thoughts. He stared at the clouds in wonder and felt like he had never truly seen them before. He closed his eyes and it was like a video played before his eyes:

            _Castiel was in a chair and standing before him was Naomi._

_She let out a sigh. “Castiel.” She started her tone was like a disappointed mother. She picked up something from a table and leaned in front of him. “I am beginning to think you enjoy this.” She said with a snide tone._

_“Stay away from me!” He shouted_

_She shook her head. “I guess we’ll have to try again Castiel.” The drill came on and she leaned forward._

_“No, no, no!” He screamed. He failed in the chair but was tied down to the chair. He could feel the drill dig into his mind. Extracting information, changing details whatever she needed to have done._

_“I am tired of doing this.” She said her voice dull as if drilling his head was something common. “You never seem to learn.”_

_The pain was overwhelming he started to scream but she kept talking._

_“Once again Castiel! Do not get attached to the human! We need him to be Michael’s vessel!”_

_He felt white hot pain as parts of his time with Dean vanished out of his mind._

“Castiel?”

            Cas jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

            “Are you okay? You’re heart rate increased. Are you feeling ill again?” Jack asked

            He shook his head and looked at Jack. “No Jack I’m fine just thinking about something.”

            He nodded and went back to his book.

            Cas frowned. Where did that memory come from? He never remembered that before, sure he remembered some of things Naomi did to him but he never remembered that before. He shook his head he was well aware that, that woman had taken away chunks of his memories he just didn’t remember what exactly. He looked over at Jack and started piecing it together. Jack did this, he must have undone Naomi’s memory blocking when he healed him. He frowned. Most likely whatever Jack did it was nothing to really worry about, it’s not like a few old memories could hurt him, right?

            No sooner than Castiel thought that it was like a wave of thoughts overwhelmed him. He let out a startled cry of pain and held his head. There were so much so many memories that flooded into him. He couldn’t tell what was going on. He could hear the others shouting at him and he was aware that Dean had pulled the Impala over. “Help me!” Cas cried out. That was all he could do was call for help. Soon darkness clouded over his vision he felt like he was falling into to darkness.


	4. Chapter 4

 

            Dean pulled over baby so fast the tires slid on the gravel beneath her tires. He jerked the car into park and climbed out of the car before Sam even got his seat belt undone. He rushed to the passenger side and jerked open the door. He looked at Jack who looked panic stricken; he’s hands on Cas’s shoulders.

            Tear stricken Jack cried to Dean. “I don’t know what happened.”

            Dean didn’t respond. Yes of course he was worried about Cas but he had to be an adult for the moment. Sam was at his side, “Help me get him out Sammy.” The two of them undid Cas’s seatbelt and eased him out of the car. Dean didn’t know if the other man was breathing or not. What if he had died on them? He frowned now wasn’t the time to be negative he had to help his boyfriend out.

            “Dean.” Cas cried weakly

            He looked at the other man. He was so pale now, an expression Dean had never seen before was on his face. “Cas you alright?”

            The angel shook his head. “I don’t think so,” He started

            Jack was beside them. “Is he okay?”

            Sam put his arm around the young man to comfort him.

            “I’m in so much pain.” Cas cried. He opened his eyes.

            Dean was shocked to see how red the other man’s eyes were. “Cas,” He reached out and laid his hand on his arm.

            Tears started to follow down Cas’s face. “I can’t think, it hurts everything is invading my brain.” He cried

            Dean pulled the angel close to him. “Shhh Cas shhh.”

            Cas buried his head on Dean’s chest and clung to him tightly.

            “What exactly happened?” Sam asked. He let go of Jack and knelt down to Cas. He rested his hand on the other man’s back in an attempt to ease his pain.

            Cas lifted his head slightly off of Dean’s chest. “I think… I think when Jack healed me, it returned me memories I lost when Naomi was in my head.”

            “Someone took you’re memories?” Sam asked

            Dean pulled Cas closer to him. “We’ll talk about it later Sammy.” Dean had forgotten that they had never told Sam about it. Dean frown bitterly as he felt his boyfriend shutter in his arms. It took Cas a long time to even tell him about Naomi messing with his head. Dean had suspicions that Cas was embarrassed by the fact he had his mind messed with.

            “I did this?” Jack asked. Fear was in his voice.

            “Jack,” Sam started

            Then there was the sound of wings fluttering and Jack vanished in front of them.

            “Jack!” Sam shouted. He looked at Dean. “Should we go after him?”

            Dean shook his head. “No let’s deal with Cas first.” He could feel his shirt getting wet and a little sticky. He frowned for a minute there was something wrong here. He pushed Cas off his chest and the angel looked at him in confusion. Dean beheld the horror, he couldn’t contain his gasp. Blood was running down Cas’s face like red tears. “Cas you’re eyes they’re bleeding.”

            Cas raised a shaky hand to his face and touched his cheek. “Must be from…” He stared at the blood on his hand then looked at Dean. “Oh I ruined your shirt.” He mumbled

            “He’s ears are bleeding too!” Sam raised his voice in panic. “Jack!” He shouted

            Dean shook his head. “Let’s call Gabriel.” Dean figured the archangel could heal Cas. He pulled his angel close to his chest again.

            Sam nodded. “Okay, okay.” He closed his eyes and began to pray. “Gabriel, Gabe we need your help. There’s something wrong with Cas man and we don’t know what to do. Jack tried to heal him and,”

            There was a whoosh and there was Gabriel. “Hello dum-dums.” He said with a grin. He was wearing a robe, he’s hair was a mess and he had lip stick stains on his neck.

            “The hell man you couldn’t be bothered to put on clothes?” Dean demanded.

            Gabriel shrugged. “Look man I was enjoying my time with Rowena,” He winked. “Then you called and it sounded serious.” He walked over to Cas. “Let’s see what we got.”

            Cas lifted his head off of Dean’s chest. “Sorry Gabe.” He mumbled

            Dean knew there was something seriously wrong by just the expression on Gabriel’s face. “Dude,” He started

            Gabriel almost pushed Dean away from Cas. “Holy crap.” He grabbed Cas’s face and looked at him.

            Dean knew that angels as could as Cas had told him ‘see deeper’ into a person or an object. Sometimes viewing things on molecular level, which Dean always thought was creepy.

            “Oh man, oh man, kid really messed you up.” Gabriel laid his hand on Cas’s forehead. “Yeah, yeah this isn’t good.”

            “What is it?” Dean asked.

            “Kid broke the dam so to speak. He healed all the bad that Naomi did. He’s mind is getting overwhelmed by all the new information.”

            Cas reached out and grabbed Dean’s hand. “It hurts please.” He pleaded

            “Gabe can you fix him?” Dean asked. He pulled Cas closer to him and the angel buried his head in his chest again.

            “Best I can do is ease his pain…” Gabriel laid his hand on Cas’s forehead and Dean saw a bit of his grace go in. “I’m not strong enough to fix this…” He pulled his hand away. “If I can fix it… there might be a spell or something but…” He looked at Cas he’s face sad and Dean really began to worry. “If we can’t undo this… he could… guys he could actually die.”

            Cas looked up at him. “Die?”

            Gabriel frowned. “If you’re mind becomes to overwhelmed you won’t be able to function.”

            “So we either fix it or Cas could freaking die from some random old memories!” Dean shouted.

            “Dean,” Cas started. He’s tone soft but Dean was still pissed

            “No I mean there’s some pretty heavy stuff in there. Our brains are not designed to remember stuff suddenly, not humans, not angels.” Said Gabriel, he patted Cas on the back. “I’ve never seen this before. The only thing I can think to do is take him to Naomi.”

            Cas shook his head. “No, no I don’t want her anywhere near my brain. Not ever, she might brainwash me again.”

            Dean narrowed his eyes at Gabriel. “I’m with Cas I don’t want her anywhere near his head.”

            Gabriel nodded. “Fair enough.”

            “Maybe there is something in the lore.” Sam suggested. “Or maybe Gabe is right maybe there is a spell.”

            “Let’s try the spell.” Cas suggested. He moved away from Dean.

            Dean’s body missed the warmth of Cas’s. He looked at Gabriel. “Get Rowena please.”

            Gabriel nodded. “Okay, I’ll go get her and meet you at the bunker.” And with that the archangel vanished.

            Dean and Sam helped Cas up and into the car.

            “What about Jack?” Sam asked

            “He’ll come back; he just needs time to cool off.” Dean said as he got in the car.

 

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

 

            They made it back to the bunker. They walked into the war room and Rowena and Gabriel were there waiting for them.

            “Well, well here I thought I was going to have a nice date and some Winchester needs my help.” Rowena said with a smug smile. She looked at Cas and frowned. “My stars, poor wee little angel you could have cleaned him up before you brought him, he looks awful.”

            Dean rolled his eyes even though he knew Rowena was right. Cas leaned on him heavy and Dean had to keep adjusting to keep him up. “Didn’t have anything to clean him with.” He mumbled.

            She narrowed her small eyes and shook her head. She pointed at Dean. “Bad boyfriend, you should treat you’re angel better.” She held out a wet rag. “I got that ready when Gabriel told me.”

            Dean eased Cas into a chair. He took the rag and turned to Cas. “Hold still.” He said softly. He gently rubbed the blood off of Cas’s face. He smiled to himself as Cas looked up at him his big blue eyes were full of love and appreciation.

            “Do you know a spell that might help?” Sam asked

            “Of course dear.” Rowena said. She walked over to Cas. “Now Cas dear…” She looked up at them her face was serious. “I am going to be honest boys… there’s a small chance that this will not work.”

            “Not work how?” Dean asked. He felt Cas rest his hand on his. The angel was trying to reassure him Dean knew this. He took his hand and gave it a small squeeze

            “Well,” She cleared her throat. “This spell is supposed to block bits of your mind. We want it to block the bad ones until we find a way to fix you but there’s a chance that it can block all of them, or most of them.”

            “So you’re saying there’s a chance I can forget everything?” Cas asked. He’s hand tightened on Dean’s. “And everyone.”

            She nodded. “Yes dearie, you can forget me,” She pointed at Gabriel. “You’re brother and… the Winchesters and Jack.”

            Cas frowned and looked into Dean’s eyes. “What should I do?”

            “It’s up to you Cas.” Dean took his hands up to his face and kissed them. “Either way I’ll support you.”

            “You can always go to heaven and see if Naomi can fix it.” Gabriel said with a shrug.

            Cas shook his head. “No, no, I don’t trust her not to do something to me.” He sighed. “I’m leery of her. Every time I trust someone then it goes wrong.” He looked at Dean. “If you trust the witch then I’ll let Rowena cast the spell.”

            Dean frowned. It was a decision he didn’t want to make. “Cas…” He kissed his hands again. “Your life is in danger I… I’d rather you not die I kind of love you, you know.”

            Cas nodded. “Rowena I’ll take the risk.”

            “Okay. I’ll get started then.” She walked over to the table and started mixing stuff in a bowl.

            “Cas are you sure about this?” Dean asked

            His boyfriend nodded. “Yes Dean, I would hate to forget you all but it’s a risk I am willing to take.”

            “Well if it goes wrong I hope we can undo it.” Dean grumbled

            “Aye don’t worry.” Rowena said as she sprinkled in something into the bowl. “Unlike most spells this one wears off. It will just take some time.”

            “And by then I should have enough grace to cure this… if I can.” Gabriel said

            Dean frowned he didn’t like this whole plan going on maybes and hopes. He felt someone pull on his arm and he turned to Cas.

            “Please don’t blame Jack. It’s not his fault he’s… he’s just stronger than us he didn’t mean to.” Cas said.

            Dean nodded. “I won’t blame Jack I promise.”

            “It’s ready.” Rowena announced

            Cas pulled Dean to him and gave him a quick kiss. “I love you okay.”

            “Don’t talk like you’re dying Cas.” Dean said.

            Cas patted his face and gave him a sad smile. “Sam,” He looked at the taller Winchester. “Take care of Jack and Dean for me.” He looked to Rowena. “I’m ready.”

            She lifted up the bowl and said some words. A strange purple light came from the bowl and wrapped around her hands. She pointed at Cas the purple light surrounded him. His body stiffened up and his head flopped down, chin touching his chest.

            “Cas!” Dean shouted he went to move forward and Sam grabbed him.

            “Don’t Dean.”

            The purple light vanished and Cas raised his head off. His eyes held a blank stare as he looked forward unblinking, unnatural expression on his face. The angel looked around the room face remaining unchanged. He spoke in Enochian and Dean frowned he knew a few words in the language but not what he said. He was also worried that the angel wasn’t speaking English. He frowned further when Gabriel stepped forward and spoke to Cas in Enochian. Did Cas forget English? He’s thoughts snapped when he heard:

            “I am Castiel.”

            Dean blinked when he heard Cas’s gravelly voice. There was something off about his speaking like he was testing out his tongue and wasn’t sure how to form words.

            Gabriel bore a face of pure shock. “Guys,” He started

            “What’s wrong with him? Why is he speaking Enochian?” Sam asked voicing Dean’s thoughts.

            Gabriel shook his head and Cas was staring at him his head titled slightly which made Dean think of a child. “The bad scenario happened.”

            “He forgot everything!” Dean gasped. He’s heart was pounding in his chest. Castiel the love of his life forgot everything.

            The archangel frowned. “It’s… a reset. He didn’t just forget a few things he forgot everything.”

            Cas looked around the room. “Brother,” Dean flinched at Cas’s deliberate tone. “Where are the other angels?” He stared at Dean then at Sam. “Why are we with humans?”

            “They are… you’re family.” Gabriel said. Cas titled his head and Gabriel spoke in Enochian and Dean assumed he was repeating the same statement.

            “Family?” Cas looked at them again and tilted his head. “I do not know these humans. Are we on a mission?”

            Gabriel bit his lip. “Oh man, no Cas we are not on a mission.”

            The angel frowned. “Cas? My name is Castiel.” He stood up from the chair and looked around. “This place is warded. Are we hostages?”

            Dean felt he’s heart break. He wanted to scream and cry and shoot something. He felt Sam grab his arm.

            “It’ll be okay. At least we know he is not dying now.” Sam said. He pulled in his brother for a hug.

            “Well that bloody went well.” Rowena said sighing loudly

            Cas looked at her. “A witch?”

            “Yeah but she’s our friend.” Sam said with a smile. He’s voice was tender like he was speaking to a child and it angered Dean. Cas was a grown man not a baby. Or was he?

            About that time there was a whoosh sound and Jack reappeared. “Sorry I just. I needed some air.” He had his arms wrapped around himself tightly and his hair was in his eyes.

            Dean made a mental note to work on healthy coping mechanisms with the boy sometime in the future. “Jack,” He went to tell him what happened when suddenly Cas stepped forward angel blade in hand.

            “No don’t!” Both Sam and Gabriel shouted. Rowena screamed and shrank back against the book shelf.

            Cas grabbed Jack by his jacket. The young man’s eyes were wide with fear. “Nephilim! Brother there is a Nephilim!”

            “Castiel I’m sorry I didn’t mean to, please don’t hurt me!” Jack yelped as he tried to get away from him.

            Gabriel pulled Cas’s arm off of Jack enough for Jack to get away. The Nephilim hide behind Dean. He was panic stricken and fearful. Dean put and assured arm around him.

            “Castiel no don’t he’s your family!” Gabriel shouted as he grabbed Cas by both arms

            Cas looked at him his expression was pure confusion. “He’s family? Are we not on a mission to kill the Nephilim? They are abominations.”

            Dean felt Jack tighten his grip on the word abomination. “He’s your son!” Dean shouted and laid a protective hand on Jack

            Cas frowned. “I fathered a Nephilim? I am a shame to my own kind.”

            Jack let out a small cry. “I am sorry father I didn’t mean to anger you.”

            Dean patted him on the head. “Sammy take Jack and tell him what happened.”

            Sam nodded and took Jack to another room.

            “You didn’t father the Nephilim.” Gabriel corrected. “You adopted him, he’s mother trusted you to take care of him.”

            Cas frowned. “I adopted a Nephilim.”

            “Can we do anything for him?” Dean asked

            “I can undo the spell but then that leaves us with the same problem we had before.” Rowena said

            “So our choices are still dead Cas, or a Cas who doesn’t know us?” Dean asked. He’s heart hurt even more. Either way he lost Cas he’s Cas. He crossed his arms and frowned. Here he thought they were winning and now they were losing. Why was life so unfair to them? He looked at Cas and missed his Cas more than anything now. “Son of a bitch.” He mumbled under his breath. Life was so unfair.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally I was going to make this two chapters but decided against it. Warning Jack does some self harm, nothing serious but I wanted to warn people.

 

            Castiel did not understand what was going on. He searched his brain for answers and turned up nothing. He did not know these people that Gabriel said were his family. He stared at the brown haired man in front of him. He’s soul was bright and beautiful. He was enamored with his father’s creation and clearly his father took his time with this man’s soul. He could read his emotions: fear, sadness, loss, love, concern. He focused a bit more he could see colors coming off this man’s soul he couldn’t identify what emotion they were.

            The man stepped forward. He looked so uneasy. He licked his full lips and said. “Castiel,” He reached out to Castiel his hand stopped short of his arm.

            “Dean,” Gabriel started. “Buddy Cas doesn’t remember you.”

            “I know,” The man said he looked into Castiel’s eyes.

            Cas could see now the emotions coming off of the man’s soul was romantic love. He frowned this man was in love with him, Castiel angel of the Lord. Did the man not know this love was forbidden among their kind?

            The man held out his hand. “My name is Dean, Dean Winchester.”

            He stared at the hand. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. He titled his head and Gabriel grabbed his arm and laid his hand in Dean’s extended hand.

            “It’s a hand shake, Castiel.” Gabriel said and he moved his arm up and down. “Some human cultures do this as a greeting.”

            Castiel nodded. “I see.”

            “Now you introduce yourself.” Gabriel said

            “I am Castiel an Angel of the Lord.”

            The human called Dean let out a small sad smile. “It’s nice to meet you Cas, Castiel.”

            He titled his head noting how the human seemed to struggle with his name. “Is my name difficult to say in your langue?”

            He shook his head. “No it’s just… different.”

            The human didn’t let go of his hand. He frowned at it the prolong contact felt strange and foreign to him. He looked at the human’s soul again. Sadness, all he seen was sadness. He didn’t know a human could feel that much sadness. He wondered how the human functioned with that boiling in him.

            Dean finally let go of his hand. He his face grimaced.

            “Dean maybe you should get some air or something.” Gabriel suggested.

            Dean shook his head. “I can’t leave him. He’s… Gabe I love him and,”

            Gabriel patted him on his shoulder. “It hurts. I know trust me I know.”

            “How would you know?” Dean shouted

            Castiel flinched at Dean suddenly raising his voice. Anger came of the human in waves.

            “Dean,” Gabriel’s voice was calm and soothing.

            The human named Dean frowned. He’s anger was still in waves. “Don’t start! You can’t just sit there and act like you’ve been with us the whole time! You don’t know me and you sure as hell don’t know Cas!” He closed the gap between him and Gabriel. The man pointed at Gabriel. “You left us to deal with that mess your brothers started! To go hang out with porn stars and Loki now suddenly you care about what happens to Cas!”

            Castiel didn’t like how this human was talking to his brother. “Leave Gabriel alone mortal or I will smite you!”

            Dean looked at him. Shock radiated off his soul. “Seriously dude you are defending him?”

            “Dean you don’t,” Gabriel started

            The witch walked over to them. “Boys, boys now is not the time for a pissing match!” The witch shoved both Gabriel and Dean away from each other, anger radiated off of her soul. “Now is not the time.”

            Dean moved away from her. “You know what I’m going to get a drink.” He stormed off into a different room.

            Gabriel sighed. “That did not go how I intended.” He mumbled

            The witch raised an eye brow to him. “Oh?” She asked. She smiled warmly. Curiosity radiated off her soul. Her soul was not as bright as Dean’s. Castiel could see that she was indeed a powerful magic user. Her warm expression with Gabriel though was almost unsettling. New emotions arose: a need for love, arousal. Castiel frowned this witch was attracted to Gabriel. This was very unsettling for the forces of heaven.

            Gabriel rested his hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “It’s hard to explain.”

            The red haired woman smiled. “I bet I can guess. This isn’t the first time that Cas’s mind has been whipped is it?” She asked. Cockiness and smugness flashed off her soul. The witch thought she knew everything.

            The archangel nodded sadly. “Yeah, sadly this has happened before. And… I don’t know how many times. The person we were talking about Naomi, she has a special job. When angels go against orders or do something the higher ups don’t like then well,” He pointed at his head. “They remove the thoughts, or memories or they block them so they don’t interfere.”

            The witch frowned. Pity radiated off of her. “That’s terrible.” She looked at Castiel. “Poor dear how often has this happened to him?”

            “No clue. I was in witness protection for like ever so anything that happened after I left I don’t know about. Well other than Lucifer coming back, and the almost Apocalypse.”

            She smiled a worried smile. “Well Castiel my name is Rowena Macleod.” She went to hold out her hand then stopped. “He’s not going to smite me is he?” She asked

            Castiel looked at her hand then at her. “I do not have orders to smite you.” He took her hand and shook it.

            She nodded. “Well I am going to see if Dean is in a better mood. Plus I could use a little drinky myself.” She left the room

            Castiel looked up at Gabriel. “Are you in a relationship with a witch?”

            Gabriel grinned. “Something like that.”

            “But she is a witch.”

            “She’s a very fascinating person, way better than being with porn stars.”

            “What’s a porn star?”

            Gabriel laughed and went to speak when another voice spoke.

            “Really Gabriel? Of all the things you can talk about you talk about porn stars?” The tallest human walked back into the room.

            Gabriel shrugged. “Castiel asked I was just answering. How’s Jack?”

            The tall one shook his head. Castiel could see confusion and regret from his soul. “Jack is not okay. He’s scared. I told him what happened but he’s…” He shook his head

            “Well since you failed at dad I’ll go be uncle and see if I can sort this out.” Gabriel said. He started towards the door. “We were inducting ourselves to Cas and Dean went for a drink.” Gabriel finished as he left.

            The human looked at him and frowned. He held out his hand similar to the other two. “I am Sam Winchester.”

            Castiel took his hand and nodded. “Castiel.”

            Sam nodded. “Come on let’s go and see Dean.”

            He saw the unsureness in Sam. “I don’t know if that is a wise idea, I feel as though he is upset with me.”

            The tall human frowned. “I… I’m sorry Castiel. This is just really hard on Dean… he’ll come around.”

            Sam led Castiel out of the room and to what looked like a library.

            Dean looked up at them. “How’s Jack?” he spotted Castiel and frowned.

            Castiel could see all the emotions in Dean. He was so angry and Castiel didn’t understand why. So conflicted all he seen was love and anger and hate. The two humans started to talk about the Nephilim. Castiel was not sure why the two were so worried about the creature. Dean’s anger seemed to boil and Castiel felt a wave of fear. The human was angry with him. “Dean Winchester why are you angry with me?” He asked

            Dean stopped talking and looked at Castiel. Shame he read shame on him. “I’m not… I’m not angry with you… I’m angry over what happened.”

            Sam blinked. “You’re actually talking about your feelings? Holy shit Dean.”

            “Can it.” Dean glared at him and Rowena giggled. “I…” He frowned and downed his drink. “He’s confused enough I don’t want him to be pissed at me too.”

            Castiel titled his head. He was very confused why did this human care about what he thought of him? What was this Dean to him? “Dean why do you care about what I think about you?”

            The human frowned then looked to Sam as though he sought approval. Sam gave him a nod and said. “Just tell him Dean.”

            Dean swallowed and nodded. “Castiel we… you and I are uh a couple.” He spoke as though it was a strange thought to speak. “And I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to say out loud.”

            “Because you’re a bone headed man.” Rowena quipped as she shipped her drink

            Castiel felt more confusion. “I am in a relationship with a human?” Fear shot through him. This was wrong he wasn’t supposed to love humans at least not like that.

            Dean nodded. “Yeah we’ve been together for a while now, Cas… uh Cas is the nickname I gave you because your name is so long.”

            He blinked. “How long has this been going on?” He was in a relationship with a human? Surely the angels would have rained the wrath of heaven on him.

            The man chuckled and shook his head. “Man… that’s…” He looked at Sam and Rowena. “Can you give us a minute?”

            They both nodded and left. Leaving Cas and Dean alone to talk.

            Dean held his drink tight. “Sam had always said there seemed to be something ambiguous about our relationship… then Bobby pointed it out.” He laughed and shook his head again. “Then Crowley.” Castiel nodded the hint of pain as Dean mentioned those names. “I’m not sure when we became a couple… according to everyone. All our friends and family we have been a couple for a while now. I well we didn’t make it official until a few years ago… in that barn which was fitting since,” He laughed again. “I met you in a barn the first time.” He took a drink.

            Castiel frowned. “What made it ‘official’?” He asked

            “Well you see you got stabbed by the Michael spear. You,” He teared up. “You almost died on us and you gave me a death bed confession. He looked up at me.” He looked at him and smiled sadly. “With those big beautiful eyes of yours and said ‘I love you,’ you looked right at me when you said it then you looked at Sam and mom and added ‘I love all of you.’ Thankfully you didn’t die but the thought of losing you again it hurt man.”

            “I died before?”

            Dean nodded. “And then some. After the near death incident Sam kept telling me to talk to you. That he was pretty sure you confessed your love to me. See I thought Sam was full of shit. I never thought that you could ever in a million years love me, not ever. Hell I’m shocked you actually do. I finally after some thinking went and talked to you. We sat down had a beer… I asked you what you meant by it and,” He smiled at the memory. A precious memory that Castiel knew they shared but could no longer recall. “You looked at me as serious as you could and ‘Dean I love you’ I asked if you knew what you meant. You nodded smiled, it was the first time I seen you smile like really smile, well anyways you looked full into my eyes and said ‘Yes Dean I am in love with you.’” He held his drink tight and suppressed a small cry. “You,” Castiel could see tears swimming in his eyes. “You kissed me. You grabbed me and kissed me like it was normal like we’d been doing it for years…” He trailed off.

            Castiel felt pity for this man. He’s heart was clearly broken now. He’s soul was bare, raw and hurt. “I am sorry.”

            He shook his head. “Don’t be. Well anyways we decided to try the relationship after that.” He sipped his drink. “And for the most part it works.” He laughed. “You don’t listen to me, you little rebel. You go and do your own thing and get yourself in a lot of trouble.” He put his drink down and extended his hand across the table.

            Castiel stared at the hand and frowned. “Why were we not punished by heaven?”

            Dean looked hurt and withdrew his hand. “I know you don’t remember but I asked you about that before and you told me you didn’t figure they cared. They apparently got the resources to come down here and get you and they well Cas they don’t like you.”

            “They don’t like me?”

            “Long story.” Dean got up from his chair. He’s face still bore a hurt expression and he looked down at him. Longing was in his green eyes and Castiel tilted his head.

            “I am still not sure I understand all this.”

            “It’s a lot I know… Cas I still love you okay. Even if you don’t feel the same.” And with that Dean left.

            Castiel stared at the table. It was clear that, that human was in love with him. He wondered if he truly felt the same for him. He didn’t know what love felt like how could he understand this? He balled his hand up in fists frustrated. How could this be so confusing and hard? He was an angel of the Lord relationships with humans were unforgivable. He ran his fingers through his hair, he wished he remembered everything.

 **************************************************************************************************

 

 

            Jack felt pain in his heart. He knew that he was sad. Or at least he assumed he was sad he wasn’t exactly sure. Emotions were foreign to him still. He was working through it. He balled his arms tightly grace healing wounds he inflicted on himself. Bruises on his arm showing where he had beaten himself for being so weak so stupid. Sam had stopped him, he’s father one of many. He knew most people didn’t have this many fathers taking care of them, he seen television usually there was a father and a mother. Jack had no mother. He was taken from this world after his birth. It was his fault too. So he had three fathers instead. And he hurt Castiel. Castiel was kind and understanding. He knew that the angel wanted to help him with his powers and yet. He used them to heal him and hurt him in the process. He punched his arm again and let out a cry of anger. Stupid! Stupid Jack! Bad Jack!

            There was a knock at the door and Jack blinked. Perhaps it was Dean maybe Sam sent him when he couldn’t calm him down. He shook his head. “Come in.”

            The door opened and Uncle Gabriel stepped in. He liked his uncle, he’s uncle was unusual and entertaining. He remembered speaking to him a few times before they made it back to their world. “Hey Jack.” Gabriel started. The small archangel walked in and sat down in a chair. Concern was clear on his face. “I heard from Sammy that you… you’re pretty upset.”

            Jack held back a cry but he nodded. “Yeah uncle… I… I hurt Castiel.” He wrapped his arms around himself.

            Gabriel caught view of the bruises and frowned. “Jack it’s not your fault.”

            “But it is. I’m too powerful or I did it wrong. I broke him and now he’s…” He shuttered thinking of the pure rage he saw in Castiel’s face. He felt tears sting his eyes. “He wants to hurt me because I’m a Nephilim… he was never like that before… I felt so safe with him.”

            He laid his hand on his shoulder. “It’s going to be okay Jack. Cas won’t hurt you okay. I won’t let him.” He grabbed Jack’s arm and pulled it forward seeing the bruises and cuts full on. “Jack!” He looked at him in alarm. “Dude this isn’t cool man you can’t hurt yourself.”

            Jack sighed. Castiel was broken, Sam was disappointed and now his uncle was upset. Might as well get the others involved show his shame to his family.

            “Why did you do this?”

            “I punished myself… I was angry at myself… I needed to feel pain.” He looked away ashamed. His family had told him it was inappropriate. Truly though he didn’t understand how to deal with his pain. “Gabriel… I don’t understand how to deal with it… the anger. I don’t know why either.”

            Gabriel shook his head. “It’s an angel thing… we feel emotions but overwhelming ones we have a hard time processing. It takes a while before we can understand it. Well archangels are built different than regular angels… but you’re still just a fledgling by our standards.” He sighed heavy his burdens apparent. “Jack instead of hitting yourself when you get mad hit… your pillow… I’ll see about getting you a punching bag or something.”

            Jack looked at his pillow and gave it a thump with his hand. “I don’t feel much better.” He looked at his uncle. “What do you do when you’re upset?”

            Gabriel gave a laugh. “Well when I was in heaven I would just take a flight somewhere just anywhere. When I was on Earth well…” He laughed and thought for a minute. “I would eat way, way too many sweets, drink and have lots of relations with people and then later porn stars.” He grinned then frowned. “Maybe I should have kept that to myself.” He mumbled. He got up from his chair. “Come on let’s get out this room. Hell let’s get out of this bunker. You like pancakes?”

            Jack nodded. “I love them they have syrup.” He frowned. “Sam says too much syrup is unhealthy though.”

            Gabriel shrugged. “It’ll be alright let’s just go have fun.” He extended his hand to him.

            He looked at it and frowned. “Fun…”

            “Yeah fun, go eat hang out, go to a movie you know fun.”

            He blinked. That sounded wonderful. “That sounds great. But what about Castiel?”

            “He’s fine he’s here with the Winchesters so we’re good. Let’s go.”

            Jack nodded feeling a weight lift off his shoulder. “Okay uncle.” He took his hand and let him help him up. He felt a lot less troubled then he had been in days. He was looking forward to this. Perhaps Gabriel was right maybe he just needed to get out of the bunker.


	6. Chapter 6

 

            Sam frowned. He was outside the kitchen, in the library with Rowena. He looked over at the witch she was focused on the table lost in her own thoughts. He didn’t blame her, a lot had happened in the span of forty eight hours. He figured she was still recovering from holding that portal open for so long. He looked at the kitchen, unease washed over. He couldn’t imagine being in Dean’s shoes right now. He felt so sorry for his brother. He clinched his fists and remembered what Dean had said to him: _“My biggest fear is something happening to him.”_ Sam swallowed hard. Dean had already had a near break down when Cas was stabbed by Lucifer. It was an ugly sight. Dean wouldn’t discuss it with him but Sam knew his brother. Bloodied knuckles and an every growing pile of booze bottles were hard to miss. He heard someone come down the hall and he turned to see Gabriel and Jack coming down the hall.

            Gabriel looked at the kitchen and frowned. Sam figured he could sense that Cas was in there with Dean. He looked at Sam and gave a halfhearted smile. “I’m going to take Jack out for a bit.” He slung his arm over his nephew.

            Sam nodded. “Okay.” Unease creeped up like a snake in his stomach; it wasn’t that he distrusted Gabriel but he wasn’t sure about him and Jack being alone either.

            “It’ll be fine Sammy.” He flashed a smile. “I’m used to fledglings; I’m the most qualified angel.” He mussed up Jack’s hair which made the boy frown as he tried to fix it back.

            Sam suppressed a laugh. “Well just be careful. We don’t know if the forces of heaven or hell aren’t still looking for Jack.”

            Jack looked towards the kitchen. “Is Dean with Castiel?”

            “Yeah.” Sam said with a sigh. “He wanted some time alone with him.”

            “Okay kid let’s go.” Gabriel said roughing up Jack’s hair again which caused the boy to let out an annoyed sigh this time. Sam did laugh this time. The archangel looked at Rowena. “Wanna come with?” He asked her

            She shook her head politely. “I think I’ll pass. You boys need to bond and talk about angelic stuff anyways.” She smiled Sam noted how tired she actually looked at that moment.

            The archangel nodded and left with Jack towards the stairs.

            Sam gave another weary glance to the kitchen. He really hoped Dean would be okay. At least if God forbid Cas never regained his memories than Gabriel could help them with Jack. He frowned bitterly at that, he felt a twinge of guilt expecting the archangel to step up to the plate like that but maybe it would be good since Jack was part archangel. Sam heard the door opened and close to the front of the bunker and voices, before he heard footsteps coming to them.

            “Sam?” Mary called. She walked into the library area with Bobby. “I saw Gabe leave with Jack what happened?”

            Sam had sent her a text to give his mother a brief update on what happened with Cas but not the full story. “When Cas realized Jack was a Nephilim he attacked him…” He wrapped his arms around himself and frowned. “Jack is pretty upset by it so Gabe is going to take him out.”

            She nodded. “Poor kid. Where’s Dean?”

            Sam pointed to the kitchen area. “Talking to Cas.”

            “How’s he dealing with it?”

            “Not good mom.” He frowned. “Dean’s probably,”

            “Dean’s what?” Dean asked as he walked into the library.

            Sam nearly jumped when he heard his brother. He looked at him taking in the full sight, Dean’s face was tear streaked, eyes red rimmed, head hung low he looked awful. “Dean,” Sam started. He reached out to his brother. He wanted to hug him it was the least he could do.

            Dean held up his hand in refusal. “No Sammy,” Tears gathered in his eyes.

            Sam felt a brief flash of irritation. He knew his brother was hurting and it hurt him to see him like this. “Dean, don’t. You can’t expect me to ignore the fact that you’re hurting right now.”

            Rowena got up and walked over to Bobby. “I think we should give them some space.” She took his arm and led him out of the room.

            Sam was almost grateful for her at least she recognized that Dean needed some space. He looked up at Dean and wondered if he would open up now that it was purely blood relations in the room. “Dean what happened?”

            Dean glared at him. Sam could tell he was angry and upset. Dean was never good at emotions learned to bottle them up and channel them in either blind rage or in a bottle. “I don’t,” He started then tears started to spill out. “Son of a bitch.” He cried. He covered his face out of embarrassment. “He doesn’t remember anything… I couldn’t get through to him.” He sobbed

            Sam felt his own heart break. Dean may have lost a boyfriend, but Sam lost a friend. “I’m sorry Dean.”

            “Yeah you’re sorry. You don’t know how I feel!” He pushed past him and stormed off down to the dormitory area.

            Sam sighed. Lashing out the typical Dean Winchester response. He figured soon he’ll hear stuff breaking and then Dena will start drinking. He noticed Cas had came out of the kitchen, he’s head titled in confusion. Sam frowned. What where they supposed to do?

            “Sam, I don’t understand what is going on.” Cas said. He looked up at him his eyes so full of confusion and fear.

            Sam bit his lip. “Cas I,” He started but his mom stopped him.

            “Sam I’m going to talk to Dean you… you try to help Cas.” Mary said and she headed towards Dean’s room.

            Cas looked to him. “Sam, Dean told me that me and him are lovers is this true?” He looked so fearful like the universe would kill him for such things. Hell that might have been true at some point.

            “It’s true.” Sam said. He remembered years ago, he looked at Castiel and asked point blank; _“Are you in love with Dean.”_ He had begun to notice that the angel would stare at Dean for long periods of time; it was becoming so obvious even Bobby had asked them once if Dean and Cas were a couple. Sam briefly smiled at that thought. The look on Cas’s face when he asked him that. Cas turned bright red and looked away and told him no. Then he informed him a big rule in heaven was never to lay with a human. Sam figured that, that golden rule was why Cas now looked so freaked.

            The other man shook his head. “No… no this cannot be true. How could I? Why would I?” He paced the floor; hands in his dark locks, eyes darted around. He’s fingers dug in tighter in his hands and Sam feared he would pull his hair out.

            “Hey, hey,” Sam stopped him. He pulled his hands out of his hair. “Listen Cas… I don’t have the answers.” He griped his hands tightly. “But I know without a doubt you loved my brother, you loved Dean probably more so than he loved himself. I watched you two dance around it for years and,” He laughed and let go of Cas’s hands. “It was annoying as hell to watch. I know you don’t remember but I asked you if you loved him once.”

            “And what did I say?”

            Sam laughed. “The first time you told me no, and that it was impossible.”

            “The first time?”

            Sam nodded. He remembered the second time fondly. “Well the second time… Dean had become a demon because of the Mark of Cain. We searched for him and you; you looked at me one day and said: ‘you asked me once if I loved your brother and I said no,’ You looked at me with the saddest smile I had seen and then you said, ‘The truth is I’ve loved him for a long time.’ I told you to tell him, you told me it was impossible you thought he didn’t feel the same. It took you some time before you finally did tell him and well I was happy.”

            Cas looked down to the floor and frowned. “You were happy?”

            “Because you made Dean happy.” He looked down the hall hoping their mother was getting through to Dean. “Dean’s had a hard life; well both of us have but… I had more of a life then he has. I went to college; I’ve had a few long term girlfriends. All Dean had for the most part was casual hook ups.” And Lisa but now wasn’t the time to bring her up. “You’re one of the few people he has stayed in a relationship with and been happy. You guys sometimes fight but what couple doesn’t, but you’ve made him a better person.”

            Cas frowned. “I wish I remembered all this.”

            “It’s okay Cas. We’ve faced worse we can beat this too.” He looked over to the books. “We have a giant archive we can find out how to fix you, then Rowena can reverse the spell and you can remember everything.” If all else fails do research. Maybe he was right maybe they could help Cas with a bit of research.

 

*****************************************************

 

            Mary hesitated outside the door of Dean’s room. She wasn’t exactly sure what to say to her son but she knew something needed to be said. She reached up and knocked on the door. “Dean it’s me can I come in?”

            “Yeah.” He responded dryly

            She walked in. The room had been tossed she didn’t make it before Dean had his break down. She frowned and her heart broke. She hated to see her son in so much pain.

            “Sorry for the mess.” He grumbled gesturing to the tossed room; he had a photo album in his hand.

            She smiled bitterly and worried about what her son might do to the photos. Dean must have noticed her eyeing the photo album because he held it out to her. “Are you okay?” She asked as she took the album. She sat beside him on the bed and opened the album. One of the first pictures was of her and him and she smiled. She remembered that day.

            “No I’m not alright.” He folded his hands and rested his chin on them.

            She looked through the book then looked at him. “Cas was your rock.” She put her arm around his shoulder as tears brimmed his eyes again. Since she came back to life she always wished she could have seen them grow up. She bit her lip she wasn’t working on the same history as the rest of them had and it hurt. It hurt her to see one of her boys in so much pain.

            Dean sobbed loudly into her shoulder she rubbed his back and held him. After all it was a mother’s job to comfort their child. “Mom I don’t know what I’m going to do. This hurts,” He looked up at her face red and ugly from the crying. She brushed the tears away and he looked embarrassed. “This is somehow worse than when he died. Him being gone, like gone, gone is one thing but he’s gone and still here.” He pointed to the door. “He’s out there in the Bunker with those blue eyes looking lost and confused and when he looks at me,” He sobbed again. “Mom, I don’t see Cas in his face anymore… it’s like there’s another angel in that vessel it’s weird. He’s not my Cas.”

            She patted his back. “We’ll get Cas back Dean don’t worry.”

            He shook his head. “It’s not just that, I mean I want him to remember everything but I can’t, I can’t look at him all I feel is pain. He’s there but he’s not it’s so surreal.”

            She nodded. She understood. It would be hard to know someone for so long and watch them transform like that. She looked down at the photo album and asked. “Did you make this?”

            He laughed. “No Cas did. According to him humans make albums and scrap books for photos instead of leaving loose ones in a night stand.”

            She flipped the pages. Old photos were in the book and some new ones. She stopped at one and had to smile. It was of Dean and Cas, it was a candid photo, neither was posing but Dean was looking at Cas as if he was his world. She knew somewhere there was probably one like that of her and John. She noticed her son; he looked at the photo sadly. She rested her hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry. We’ll get him back.” She gave his shoulder a squeeze and he hugged her.

            “Thanks mom.”

            “Your welcome, Dean.” She looked at the photo again and wished that they would be able to fix Cas. She didn’t want to see her son suffer any more than he already has.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning a short chapter

Dean was now alone with his thoughts. He’s mother had long left to help Sam with his research. He could not bring himself to leave his room. He didn’t want to see Cas who wasn’t his Cas. That Cas was too different it was foreign and strange and he didn’t like it. He had the photo album on his lap, beer in his hand, and pizza that he had slipped out and got. He chewed on the pizza the TV ran a rerun of Family Guy and it wasn’t helping him cheer up. He brushed the pizza grease on his shirt, he didn’t care if he smelled like pizza and flipped the page and looked down at the photo with a smile. This wasn’t helping either.

            With gentle hands he laid the book on the night stand. He focused on his beer instead. He felt like a slob and he didn’t care. He’s room was still trashed from earlier, his shirt was greasy and his breath reeked of beer. All things that Cas would have fussed at him for.

            _“Dean a shirt is not a napkin.”_ Cas had said as he handed him an actual napkin.

            Dean picked up a napkin and cleaned his hands and frowned and drank his beer.

            _“You’ve drank so much beer I can smell it on you.”_ Cas had said once

            He looked at the bottle and drank again.

            _“Why did you trash your room?”_ Cas had asked once and started to help him clean it up.

            But there was no Cas to help him clean up his mess. He looked around and picked up the shirts he had thrown and stuffed them back in the drawer. He threw his clothes around, tossed a lamp (it was fine though), and threw his porn magazines that he was surprised he still had. He picked up a busty Asian beauty and laid it back on the rack, were it was.

            He flipped through the channels and still drank on his beer. He had gone through a six pack and was working on the second. He hadn’t drank like this in a while he wondered if his liver could keep up. Frustrated he turned off the TV and laid down.

            He rolled over and pulled the pillow close to him. The beds in the dorms were small but he had managed to have another person in the bed. He kept the second pillow around for Cas. He pulled that pillow close; it smelled of Cas; of his hair gel, his cologne. He wondered how he was going to sleep tonight. The pillow was closer to him now. Him and Cas didn’t really share a bed per say, Cas didn’t sleep and Dean was not a huge fan of knowing that he was laying there wide awake nor did Cas like to simply lay there. The angel had Netflix and Hulu now which was how he occupied most his nights. However, the angel would go with him to bed.

            Dean sighed and looked at the side of bed Cas laid on. Cas had always stayed with him, chased away his nightmares, hold him close until he fell into a peaceful sleep. He’s warm arms around him, humming softly into his hair, running hands through his hair, rubbing his back, his face whatever Cas could get ahold of. It always made Dean feel so safe so protected. A sob escape his lips. He feels he’s world crashing around him. How can he possibly continue on without Cas?

            He lets himself cry out in pain. It sounds like a wounded animal. He knows that no one can hear him the Bunkers walls are pretty thick for the most part. He lays his head on the pillow and sobs repeatedly. “Cas I’m sorry.” He cried. He does not know exactly what he is sorry for but he just wants the pillow his stand in Cas to know.

            Sobs wrack his body and he gives in. The pillow is now tear stained and has almost lost the essence of Cas. Dean decided then it was time to rest. He couldn’t keep going today, nothing on TV, beer had lost its luster, the pizza was gone and it was nearing midnight. He pulled the covers down and took of his flannel and laid on the bed.

            It was so cold. He wrapped his arms around himself and missed Cas even more. How could he sleep? It had been his routine for so long. He and Cas would come to his room. He would lay down and Cas would lay with him. Cas would give him soft kisses and promised whispers. He would tell him over and over how much he loved him. It was their private space, their space to talk, share stories, love on each other, hold and kiss each other… one being a human the other an angel wasn’t thought of here, them being two men also never occurred to either here. It was their space for their thoughts. Stupid little jokes between the two of them, shared beer and pizza, they would watch TV together discuss the plot make fun of the characters together.

            Dean rolled over and pulled the pillow that Cas used close to him again. Cas was a man or well and angel of sweet gestures. Gestures that this new Cas wouldn’t remember and would be appalled at. Cas had on several occasions washed Baby for Dean, and though Dean liked caring for his car himself he liked that Cas cared for it as well, on his birthday Cas baked him a pie, Dean laughed as he remembered that. He walked into the kitchen and there was Cas holding the pie proudly. _“Dean, Dean I baked you a pie!”_ best damn pie Dean had ever had. Cas’s latest promise was that he would make him hamburgers. Dean frowned. He guessed he wasn’t going to get those now or any of Cas’s cooking. He chuckled he always wondered how a man who didn’t eat could cook. Well he took that back Cas didn’t eat much, though the angel would tell him food tasted like molecules he usually wouldn’t stop Dean if he tried to feed him. Cas took care of him, more so than he should. The angel would stock the fridge with food and beer, sometimes he would do their laundry, and Dean had asked him once about it and all Cas said is he wanted to feel useful.

            He felt a pain in his heart. He knew that he had made Cas feel that way; he had many times called Cas useless, or yelled at him for a mistake. Hell the two of them had a huge fight over Kelly (and Jack he supposed) right before Cas had gotten killed by Lucifer. The image of that night played in his head and he frowned. He didn’t want to think of that. He had told Cas that he couldn’t get that moment out of his head; whenever he couldn’t sleep he would see it or when Cas walked into the lake when he was full of Leviathans, or him pushing him through the portal in Purgatory. Every time Cas would rest his hand on Dean’s head, and tell him it was just a memory and with some angel mojo he would block it out of his mind and replace it with something pleasant. Cas was good at that, when Dean was still haunted about hell once the two became close the angel would protect him from his memories. Dean could remember more than a couple of times being in a nightmare to suddenly be on the fishing dock, or driving Baby, and once he dreamed he was at a Led Zeppelin concert. He knew Cas had sent him to pleasant dreams.

            He stared at the ceiling. He would kill to have him do it now. All he wanted some sleep or something. Anything. There is a sudden knock at his door and it scares him. He bolts up in his bed gun in his hand. He then reminds himself that he is safe at him. “Yeah?” He asked wearily

            The door opens a crack and there was Castiel. He stood there, hair disheveled, jacket on wrong, tie half undone and it reminded Dean of the past and it hurt. The angel looked at him as if he expected something and Dean felt a surge of annoyance.

            “What!” He snapped. He didn’t want this not his Cas to stare at him like he had been there all along.

            Castiel blinked and titled his head, the tuffs of his bangs flop over to one side his hair gel had lost its hold. “I sensed your longing.”

            Dean blinked. Oh no, he had thought about Cas for so long the angel took it as a prayer. That had been a source of embarrassment between the two before. It left for awkward moments and Cas usually didn’t answer his prayers unless it was directly sent to him. “Oh… I’m sorry I was… thinking.”

            Castiel blinked again and Dean couldn’t help but think of how beautiful his eyes were. Cas looked tired Dean had assumed that had come with the territory of being on Earth for so land, his vessel sometimes looked weary. Dean frowned to himself vessel it was Cas’s body at this point he had been in it for so long. “Thinking about me?” He asked and he shut the door quietly.

            Dean nodded. “Yeah,” He looked at the bed. “Sorry you… you used to help me sleep.”

            Castiel nodded and walked over to the bed. “Can I help?”

            Now Dean looked confused. “Why would you do that? You don’t remember me.”

            “No I don’t remember but… I still want to help since we were important to each other.”

            Dean nodded. He figured Sam might have sat him down and talked to him while he was in his room. He sighed and looked up at the angel. He couldn’t just to ask him to get in the bed and cuddle him after all the angel had freaked out when he realized they were together. It was too much to ask of him. “You could keep the nightmares at bay…” He suggested

            The angel gave a nod and laid his hand on Dean’s forehead. “I’ll watch over you.”

            That statement would have freaked out Dean but at this moment it warmed his heart. More than anything he missed the touch of Cas. He melted into his hand and wanted to grab his coat and pull him into bed. “Cas,” He started but the sentence was lost as he was pulled into darkness. It was time to sleep. He hit the pillow with a smile on his face as he knew Cas watched over him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter takes place between chapter 5 and 6. Thought I would clear that up so there won’t be any confusion

Gabriel looked up at Jack. They were at the local diner; the two of them had walked to it. Gabriel wanted to conserve his grace. He frowned to himself and wondered if he will ever get it back to hundred percent.

            Jack poured more syrup on his pancakes and smiled. “Sam never lets me use this much syrup.” He sat the bottle down which was now half gone because of the two of them. “He says too much sugar will rot your teeth.” He dug his forks into the pancakes. “Ummm Uncle, thanks for…”

            “You’re welcome kid.” He had long finished off his pancakes. He sipped on a cup of coffee.

            “I… needed this.” He sat down the fork his pancakes had long been defeated. Jack looked tired and defeated, ran his hands over his face and sighed. “I just can’t believe this happened. I wanted to help my father not hurt him. I just,” He ran his hand over his arm, and flinched when he hit the bruises and cuts that were healing.

            Gabriel nodded. “I know kid it’s hard. I don’t like to see him like that either.” He gripped his cup and frowned. Memories lingered in the back of his mind; he looked up at Jack again. Jack reminded him a lot of young Castiel; if he didn’t know better he would have honestly thought that Cas fathered him. He looked at the bruises on Jack’s arms. “And kid despite what you think you do not need to be punished.”

            Jack pulled down his jacket sleeve. “I know I just. I hurt my father. What if we can’t help Castiel, what if he is like that forever? Never remembering me or Sam or… Dean.” He picked up the straw paper and began to roll it in his hand. Gabe noted the kid was clearly nervous. “Dean got so, so mad at me before… Uncle he blamed me for Lucifer killing him I can’t,” He choked back a sob and started to fold the paper. “I can’t deal with it. If Dean hates me again,” He balled up the paper and tossed it on the table.

            “Dean’s not going to help you because we are going to fix Cas.” He said

            Jack raised an eye brow. “We?” He asked

            Gabriel nodded. “Yeah Jack I’m going to teach you how to fix it.”

            “Why can’t you do it?”

            He sighed. “Jack I’m still recovering. I… dude I have no idea when it will recover enough to fix Cas. It would be faster just to teach you how to do it.”

            Jack blinked. “But how? I already messed up Gabriel how can I fix it?”

            “I’ll teach you.” He sipped his coffee. “I’ve taught fledglings before.”

            “Taught fledglings before?” He asked with a slight head tilt

            He nodded. “Yeah. What did you think angels just woke up knowing how to use their powers?”

            Jack shrugged. “Kind of actually, I never really got to ask Castiel about it so I just assumed that.”

            He shook his head. “Nope Jackie, can I call you Jackie? The archangels showed the lesser angels how to use their powers, including Cas.”

            “You knew Castiel when he was younger?”

            “Yeah knew him when he was younger.”

            “So… can you tell me about him when he was younger?”

            He laughed. “Want blackmail material for the future do you? Well Cas was… he was a quick learner.” He looked at his coffee. He felt uneasy talking about it. Castiel was under his care his guardianship and… he bit his lip. _“This one is special Gabriel. You will see.”_ He remembered when his father told him that after he left him the group of angels he was to train. They were supposed to be soldiers, they had their own jobs assessments and tasks and… Gabriel realized pretty earlier that Castiel had a natural curiosity about him. Jack was looked at him eyes wide expecting more of a story. “So,” Gabriel started. “Cas was always curious about things. He was more interested in humans than most angels. Most of them seen humanity as well beneath them. Cas wanted to observe which was odd for angel especially a solider. I didn’t question it I just let him… I would take him to Earth and let him watch the humans and how they interacted with one another. He truly cared for God’s creations.” He smiled at the thought of the bright eyed angel who would look at the humans, and ask questions. “I remember trying to teach him how to fly.” He laughed. “That was hilarious, he one time landed in the ocean.” He laughed.

            Jack smirked. “So everyone has to learn.” He studied the table. “Does it take long?”

            “Sometimes, usually it takes about a few weeks, months depending on the angel in question.”

            “Can I ask another question?”

            “Yeah Jack.”

            “Why did you leave heaven? I’ve come to understand that angels are ‘dicks’ as Dean puts it but if you were an archangel why did you leave? Weren’t you in charge?”

            Gabriel sighed. The magic question, someone was bound to ask him about it. “Well Jack…” He frowned. “Michael and Raphael were pretty broken up about dad, your grandfather, leaving. I was pretty upset by it too, hell all of us that knew about it which wasn’t that many. We decided to keep heaven going without pops. After all he left us the keys to the kingdom best we could do was keep it going for him. We had a set of checks and balances in place… we ran things smoothly for a while then… the in fighting started. They had plans, plans I didn’t like. Well they didn’t like the fact that I didn’t agree with how they were doing things and…” He frowned the thought of it hurt. How his own family could turn against him so fast. “They started brainwashing angels, and whipping away memories.”

            Jack frowned. “And that happened to Castiel correct? That’s how I broke him right I recovered all his memories.”

            “Yeah, Cas was one of the first ones they got to. See they sent him and few other angels to kill the first born in Egypt,”

            “Oh I read that story in the Bible.” He flashed a smile and nodded.

            “Yeah see trouble was Cas decided he liked one of the kids. Refused, flatly told them he would not take the child’s life or that of any child. Said the children shouldn’t be punished for the adults. Well my brothers decided that Cas needed to be reprogrammed.” Gabriel frowned the memory hurt. He remembered he showed up when they called him and there was Castiel strapped to the table. He screamed and begged Gabriel to help. Gabriel shook his head at the raw memories. “He was one of the first ones that they ‘corrected’ as they put it. The infighting got worse after that, I couldn’t trust my brothers and they didn’t trust me. I was worried they would ‘correct’ me next so I left. I couldn’t take the fighting anymore, I tried I tried to hang in but, I was scared I was a coward and I ran. I found Loki and me and him cut a deal,” He pointed at himself. “He gave me this face and told me as long as I didn’t get involved in the angel business I could play trickster.”

            Jack blinked. “I didn’t know that… heaven was so…”

            “It wasn’t all bad Jack. The human souls I can say that they are at piece, they are in memories the greatest hits. They are content but the angels’ mess it was a long time coming if I’m being honest.” He finished his coffee. “I brought you out here to help you feel better and now we are talking about my past.” He laughed.

            “I am sorry Gabriel. I was just curious.”

            “It’s fine. Nice to think about the past from time to time.” He got up from the table. “Let’s go kid they are probably starting to look for us.”

            Jack gave a nod and followed him and the two started their journey back to the Bunker.

                       


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas reflects on his relationship with Dean that he doesn't remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter

 

            Castiel stared at Dean Winchester as he slept. The man was fast asleep, the problems of the day long locked into his brain and forgotten about. He sat beside him, and watched the rise and falls of his chest and listen to his steady breathing. The man had prayed to him, and judging by his reaction it was by accident. He could sense Dean’s longing for him; it was an odd feeling for the angel. He tilted his head in wonder, how could he have such an impact on this man. How could a human love an angel this much? How could his essence clamor for him call to him beg him to be with him. Castiel sighed to himself. Why was this so hard? Why did it hurt to see him upset?

            “I want to remember.” He whispered to himself.

            Dean rolled over and mumbled something that Castiel didn’t understand.

            Castiel leaned in closer to the human. Dean’s face was interesting; he had freckles and long lashes, and full lips. He’s eyes twitched as he slept and the man mumbled at out a “No please.” Castiel blinked and realized the human was having what they call a nightmare. He didn’t want to see the human suffer and he laid his hand on Dean’s forehead.

            Before him he could see Dean’s dream. The hunter was in a forest surrounded by monsters. At his feet was another person which Castiel realized was himself, scruffy and dirty but it was himself.

            “No! Cas please no!” Dean cried out. He knelt down to the angel. “Please no!” He’s sobs wracked through Castiel’s heart maybe even his own grace.

            The angel felt tears sting his eyes. He touched his face. “I am crying over a human’s dream.” He walked over to the dream Dean who couldn’t see him. He looked around and thought there was something he had to do to help Dean. He held his hand up and with a wave changed the dream. Now Dean and dream Castiel were sitting on pier fishing. He felt a smile creep on his face as he watched.

            Dean leaned into Castiel and took a beer from the cooler and planted a kiss on his cheek. Castiel smiled at Dean and took his hand.

            The real Castiel felt a strange pull in his heart. He wanted to be that Castiel sitting on the pier with Dean, holding hands and sharing a beer. Why did he feel jealous of a dream? He frowned to himself. What was wrong with him? Was he defective? He watched the dream a few more minutes before he left Dean’s head. He was back in that chair eyes on Dean. Dean wore a smile on his face now, no longer twisted in anguish. Castiel reached out to him and lightly touched his arm and ran his fingers long it. Attraction was strange to him. He looked at Dean’s face while he was not in complete understanding of humans he could see that Dean was very attractive for a human male so he could see how Dean could easily attract a mate but why did he choose and angel, why him? He could see Dean’s soul it was bright and beautiful, dancing with colors and even humming its own tune. It stood out from the other human souls he had seen in this Bunker. He looked at himself in the mirror with a slight head tilt. He supposed his vessel was hansom, he had dark blue eyes, and black hair which he had ran his hands through.

            _“Dude, stop messing up your hair. You look homeless or crazy will you please let me fix it.”_ He frowned he could vaguely remember that Dean had said that to him. He went to smooth his hair down but it stuck up even more, he supposed he would just look homeless.

            He looked back at Dean whose smile warmed his heart. Dean mumbled in his sleep again and Castiel was pretty sure he heard him speak his name. The angel felt a smile play across his face.

            Castiel noticed the photo album on the night stand and he reached to it. He hesitated but he had to know he had to learn about him and Dean. Why was he so drawn to him? Have feelings that he had never felt before. He picked up the book and opened it. The first few pages were a young Sam and Dean and their parents, he flipped a few more pages and they were of Dean and Sam and Bobby then suddenly he stopped. There was a picture of him and Dean. In the picture he was gazing at Dean a smile was on his face and Dean well he was looking at him too. He blinked and looked again at it, it was still there, and he slipped the photo out and looked at it then turned it over to see a note: figured you wouldn’t believe me unless you saw evidence. Castiel wondered who wrote the note as he slipped the photo back. He flipped through the books and there were different pictures, several of him and Dean the last one in the book was of him and Dean in the middle of a kiss. His heart skipped a beat briefly and he pulled it out to see if it had a note: Finally! Castiel then realized that the photo must have been their first kiss, someone probably Sam took a photo of it while they weren’t paying attention. The next pages were blank and another note fell out. He picked it up and read it:

            Dear Dean,

                        I made this photo album for you because you keeping your photos crammed in a draw seemed weird. Sam made me some prints from some off his phone and mine, there’s plenty of blank pages for us to make more memories ;)

                        Love, Cas

 

            He dropped the note. He had written it, not only that but he had made this book for Dean. He looked at the book and frowned it was such a human act and yet so… full of love. He couldn’t believe he was capable of such displays of affection. He picked up the note and stuffed it in the book and laid it on the night stand. He looked at Dean and shook his head. Castiel couldn’t live like this not understanding who he was or why this man meant so much to him. He stood up with an angry sigh. What did the world expect of him? The evidence was clear yet it felt foreign and hurtful and wrong and yet right. He had to remember he needed to remember what made him, who exactly he was before he lost everything. He blindly reached out and took Dean’s hand, warm and rough but fit in his hand just right. He gave it a squeeze; he had an idea, an idea to regain his memories. He looked down at Dean and sighed. He would ask him in the morning after all he didn’t want to ruin his sleep. “Sleep well Dean, sleep well.”


	10. Chapter 10

Dean woke up from a pleasant dream. He stretched and let out a loud yawn and noticed someone was in his room. He panicked and grabbed his gun and pointed.

            “Hello Dean.” Spoke the familiar gruff voice of Castiel.

            “Oh man,” He blinked and put his gun back. “Cas you scared the shit out of me.”

            Castiel tilted his head. “I scared you bad enough that you defecated?”

            “No! I mean jeez why do you have to be so literal?” He rubbed his eyes and yawned. “Dude did you stay all night?”

            “I did say I would watch over you did I not?” Dean noted a hint of annoyance in his voice.

            “Yeah I guess you did man.” He got out of bed and walked over to the sink and splashed water on his face.

            “Dean,” Castiel’s voice was stern and serious. He tapped on the photo album. “I looked at this.”

            “Yeah?” He felt an invasion of privacy but it was still Cas and the man did make the thing. “You like it? You made it you know,” He smiled. “Like a soccer mom with three kids making scrap books about their year.” He laughed. “I’m still not sure you didn’t take a scrap book class for that or watch some YouTube video.”

            “The quality of my work is not what is up for decision though it is… nice.” Castiel didn’t even notice Dean’s little insult and Dean felt annoyed by it. “Dean I…” He balled his hands. “I want to remember everything Dean.”

            Dean sighed. Cas looked hurt and it hurt him to see him that way. He wanted to protect Cas from everything but that was impossible the man was older than humanity itself and was defiantly a grown ass man but still Dean wanted to protect him. “Well unfortunately dude, Jack scrambled your brain. So if Rowena lifts the spell everything that you had forgotten is going to flood back and you could die, like your head could go pop and… I don’t want you to die man, I love you.”

            Castiel nodded. “I do not desire to die either but…” He looked at the photo book then back at him. “What if I read your memories?”

            “Read my mind?” He asked and pointed at himself. “You want in my head Cas. Isn’t that like risky?” He picked up a towel and dried his face. “Last time you went in a guy’s head he turned into a vegetable.”

            “I do not see how I turned someone into produce Dean but I assure you it is not without risks.” He ran his hands together; Dean knew Cas did that when he was nervous. “But I would like to try if I can get in your head and see our memories together then maybe I…” He looked at him blue eyes wide with confidence. “I can understand why I have these feelings for you. It, it hurts Dean and I don’t understand why. I’m driven to help you to care for you but you are a human and I an angel. It’s strange and unheard of it shouldn’t exist and yet it does and I just want to understand it.”

            Dean sighed. “Cas if you’re looking for the reason for why you love me that isn’t in my head. I have no idea why you love me I just know that you do or did or whatever.”

            He shook his head. “Maybe not but you have our memories together. If I can see those then maybe I can understand how it came to be this way.”

            Dean looked at him. He couldn’t imagine being in Cas’s shoes right now. Sure he had been cursed that time and forgot everything but it was different than this. He had never understood why the angel loved him, to himself he was unlovable. He had been a jerk to Cas more often than not and yet Cas stuck around. He had considered him to be a friend, a good friend hell and best friend then Sam showed him that picture he took at Bobby’s when Cas was staring at him as if he was his whole world. That one angel said Cas was damned the moment he touched Dean in Hell. Maybe that was true and maybe it was then that he had fallen for him. Dean didn’t know he never asked Cas he just accepted it as fact. He only asked Cas once if it was alright for them to be together and Cas didn’t seem to be bothered by the possibility of heaven sending angels after them. It took Dean a while before he realized that Cas did love him whole heartedly, much like that picture showed Dean was Cas’s world. It unsettled Dean sometimes that the angel clung to him like that but that was their relationship and he was as guilty as he was about being clingy.

            “Dean will you allow me to read your memories?” Castiel asked

            Dean nodded. “Yes. I’ll let you do that. I can’t imagine how you must feel man and I got to help.” He sat on the edge of the bed. “Go ahead man do it.”

            Castiel looked at him and frowned. “This is probably going to hurt.” He laid his hand on his forehead and closed his eyes.

            He felt a white hot pain pulse through his head. He screamed and couldn’t stop himself even as Cas whispered soothing words to him. He’s own memories flashed before him until he went back to a decade ago in that barn. It hurt so badly. “Cas it hurts.” He cried. He felt tears stream down his face as the angel kept digging in his head. He wanted him to stop, images played out in front of him like some type of TV show, flashing and flickering changing channels and jumping around. The pain got worse and the image of Cas exploding played out, then him walking into the lake. Having some of his worst moments being played out only added to the pain. He began to pant he felt like the was boiling from the inside. “Cas, man please.” He begged but the angel kept digging.

            “I’m sorry Dean I must know I have to know.” He said. He’s blue eyes glowed with his grace.

            Fear washed through Dean. Cas was going to kill him. This was how Dean Winchester dies at the hands of his angelic boyfriend. He should have made Billie let him read those notebooks on his death at least he could have prepared himself for this. Fear depended in his soul. He never admitted to Cas but the thought that the angel could kill him so easy shook him to the core. Yeah he played the strong game by picking on him but he knew deep down Cas could really freaking hurt him if he wanted to. More images played out, Cas being insane, them in purgatory, the time in Lucifer’s crypt when he beat the crap out of him. Castiel now looked otherworldly to him never in the time had Dean known him other than that time in when he first met him did he look so unhuman. The pain increased as the angel dug further in. He screamed and begged and wondered why no one was coming to help. Surely Jack or Gabe could hear him after all they were celestial beings also. More images popped up: Cas being dead in that chair from when the reaper stabbed him, Cas being under the attack dog spell, Lucifer mocking him with Cas’s body, Cas’s near death in the barn from the Michael spear and finally the two of them sharing a kiss.

            “I see,” Cas said but his hand never moved away from Dean.

            Dean felt his body jerk and convulse. Darkness lined his sight now. “Please Cas no more.” It came out as a weak whimper. He could feel his entire muscles jerk and jump. He was dying this was it he was about to fade away he knew it. He wondered how heaven would treat him since he had a relationship with one of their own. Suddenly the door to his room opened.

            “Cas stop!” It was Gabriel. The archangel grabbed Castiel’s hand and pulled it away from Dean. “What the hell are you doing?” He demanded

            Castiel looked at him in a way that made Dean think of a child. Annoyed and disappointed, he narrowed his eyes and glared at Gabriel in true Cas fashion. “I am looking through Dean’s memories to see if I can understand myself.” He jerked his hand away from Gabriel and looked back at Dean and reached up.

            “No!” Gabriel shouted and grabbed his arm again. “Cas man look at him you’re killing him.”

            Dean knew he was right. He had died many times before to know when it was happening again. He felt something leaking from his nose and his body gave out another jerk.

            Gabriel handed him a tissue. “Your nose is bleeding.” He looked at Cas and shoved him. “Dude I can’t believe this you actually tried to kill him! What is wrong with you?”

            Castiel looked at him then to Dean. His eye twitched and he mumbled. “I don’t…” He stared at Dean and he grabbed his head and let out a cry.

            Gabriel swore and knelt down to the angel. “Damn it Cas!” He braced him to keep him from falling over.

            Dean on the other hand had never felt this strange in his life. His muscles stopped jerking but there was an odd buzzing sensation. He felt oddly aware of everything and yet completely blank. “Gabe, Gabe I think, I think,” He felt like he was about to throw up. The archangel was by his side before he knew it.

            “Sam!” Gabriel called out. The other man closed his eyes and said outload. “Jack get Sam and meet me in Dean’s room.”

            “What did he do to me?” Dean asked he felt so weak so drained. The other man didn’t answer and just hung on to him. He looked at Castiel who was standing up now a bewildered expression on his face.

            “Dean… oh no Dean I,” Castiel covered his mouth. “I’m so sorry Dean.”

            Dean felt darkness creep up on him. He grabbed at Gabriel’s jacket in the hopes of hanging onto something. “Dude, man, I feel… I’m going to pass out.” He saw Sam and Jack rush into the room and he thought about how they didn’t knock as he got dizzy.

            “I’m sorry, I’m so, sorry!” Castiel was crying now and Dean wondered if he remembered anything.

            He’s head started to go back and he could hear them call out.

            “Shit no Dean don’t do that stay with us!” Gabriel yelled. Dean never got the chance to know the archangel.

            “Dean! Dean what happened! Gabriel what happened!” Sam demanded. He’s poor little brother Dean thought. Now Sam was going to be without him.

            “What is going on? Castiel did you do this?” Jack cried. Poor Jack was going to lose a father.

            “I’m sorry Dean!” Castiel cried repeatedly

            Dean shank onto his bed as darkness took over. It wasn’t the time to be thinking or worrying about his family. Dean was going to take a rest, a nice good long rest now.


	11. Chapter 11

            Jack felt panic rise up in his chest. Dean had passed out on the bed and was motionless.

            “Gabe what happened what’s wrong with Dean?” Sam demanded. The taller man leaned over his brother, Jack could sense the fear radiating off of him. Fear of Dean’s loss.

            Gabriel shook his head. “Cas he, he read Dean’s mind.” He waved his hand over Dean’s form. “He did it for too long.”

            “Too long?” Jack asked. He looked at Castiel. He’s father’s face was one of confusion and horror. “Castiel what does Gabriel mean.”

            Castiel frowned. “I… I didn’t mean to. I was only trying to see the memories he had of me. I just,” He shook his head. “I just wanted to understand all this.” He cast a glance at the photo album on the night stand.

            “Gabriel did Cas kill him?” Sam asked his voice was shaky.

Jack felt his own fear rise in his chest. What if Dean was gone? Could they keep going? He couldn’t imagine life without him, nor did he want to see Sam, Castiel and Mary experience such a loss. He balled his fists and fought back tears. He had to remain strong, at least for his fathers. 

“No Dean isn’t dead.” Gabriel said.

Jack felt a whoosh of relief wash over him. Dean would be fine, right?

“He’s just in a deep sleep…” Gabriel looked up at them. He sighed loudly. “I don’t know when he’ll wake up or even if.”

Sam blinked. “If? What do you mean if he’ll wake up?” He demanded

The archangel shook his head. “Look man I don’t know he could jump up in a few hours and be alright, he might not, hell he might be brain dead.”

Sam swallowed hard and took in the information. “Oh man…” He balled his fists he looked up and his gaze fell on Castiel. Sam’s jaw tightened as his eyes focused on him. He started to him and Jack leaped in front of Castiel.

“Sam no don’t!” Jack pleaded. He could see in Sam that he was angry. “Violence will not solve this.”

Sam’s clinched his fists. Gabriel laid a hand on his shoulder. Tear gathered in Sam’s eyes as he looked at Castiel. “Why?” He cried. “Why did you hurt Dean?” He looked hurt. “He’s my brother but… you’re like a brother to me too.” He held up his hands. “I don’t want to hurt you, Cas I just want answers.”

Jack could sense he’s father’s unease when the angel answered. “It was not my intention to hurt him, Sam. I would never hurt Dean, or you or any of you. You guys are my loved ones.” Castiel spoke. He’s words heavy with regret.

Jack turned to his father. He had noticed how his tone had changed. This whole time that Castiel had forgotten everything his voice, his mannerisms weren’t like they were. Jack had felt like it was a stranger living in Castiel’s vessel it was odd. Castiel looked up at him he’s blue eyes sad and full of pain.

“I am also very sorry Jack. I would never hurt you I want you to know that.” Castiel said

“Do you,” Jack felt happiness despite everything. “Do you remember me?”

The angel nodded. “I am truly sorry Jack. I know I scared you and I,” He frowned his voice full of pain so much pain that it hurt Jack to hear it.

Whatever Castiel was going to say was lost as Jack flung himself to his father and took him into an embrace. “Father.” Jack felt helpless like a baby as he cried. The angel held him tight and mumbled soothing words to him. Jack gave in and just sobbed and let Castiel hold him.

He heard Sam choke back a sob then speak to Gabriel. “So Dean is… is there anything we can do?”

“Sleep, I think he needs sleep.” Jack noted how Gabriel sounded less upset. “From what I can tell he isn’t brain dead. It looks like Castiel just over stimulated his brain.”

“That’s why he’s muscles were jumping.” Castiel said. Jack could feel his voice vibrate in his chest.

“Yup, so Deano is going to be okay. Hopefully there won’t be lasting damage.” Gabriel said.

“That’s great news!” Sam cheered. “It’s finally looking up, Cas has he’s memories back and Dean is going to be okay.”

Castiel sighed. He finally let go of Jack and Jack missed the embrace. “Nope… my head is still scrambled.” He shook his head. “I’ve had a headache since then. I can think more clearly than I could before this happened but I can tell that I am unwell.”

“Right back where we started.” Sam sighed. “At least Dean is going to be okay.” He shook his head. “I’m thinking we are going about this the wrong way.”

“Going about what the wrong way?” Gabriel asked

“This,” He pointed at Castiel. “Thing with Cas… the Cas in the other world did something to him right?”

They all nod in agreement.

“What if we missed something, what if,” Sam wore a face of confidence and he gave a small smile. “We are looking at it wrong. We are treating it like what Jack did is what caused it when we should be working on what the other Cas did to him.”

“But I cured him.” Jack said. He frowned. Could that be possible though could it really be they were going about it wrong?

“I mean think about it, every time we have tried to cure him something else happens. What if whatever the other Cas did to him is adapting to the situation? Like Jack cures him, it breaks open the walls and floods his mind with old memories, Rowena casts a spell it locks away everything, and then he reads Dean’s mind and suddenly remembers everything. Guys I’m thinking we need to undo what the other Cas did.”

Jack looked at his father in uncle. He felt hope surge through his heart. “Could Sam be onto something could that really have been what happened?”

Castiel narrowed his eyes then looked to Gabriel. “I have never heard of such a thing but… it does seem plausible.”

Gabriel looked thoughtful. “Well that was a world different than ours. That Michael was like a whole lot stronger than my brother so… I guess it is possible. Maybe that Cas was stronger than you.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Oh please I dispatched him with ease.”

“Don’t get offended man.” Gabriel said with a shrug. “I’m sure the Gabriel in that world was probably tots stronger than me.”

Sam frowned then said. “I think we need to talk to Bobby. He’s from that world maybe he has heard of this before.”

Jack looked at Dean and frowned. “But what about Dean?” He asked he was worried for Dean.

“Don’t worry kid he’ll be fine.” Gabriel said roughing up Jack’s hair.

Jack wished his uncle would stop doing that and fixed his hair back to how he liked it.

“Let’s go talk to Bobby.” Sam said and made for the door, Gabriel followed and Jack went to follow when Castiel stopped him.

“Hang on Jack I want to talk.” Castiel said

The two other men had left. Jack cast a glance to Dean, he felt weird having a conversation with a sleeping man in the room.

Castiel gave a sad smile. “Don’t worry about Dean he won’t hear a thing.” About that time Dean let out a snorty snore and mumbled something in his sleep. Castiel gestured to a chair and Jack sat down and Castiel sat on the edge of the bed. “Jack, I want you to know that I am terribly sorry for attacking you. I want you to know that I would never actively harm you. Jack, your mother left you in my care and I care about you as if you are my own son. I want you to know that.”

Jack smiled. He knew in his heart his mother had made the right choice by leaving him in Castiel’s care. “Thank you Castiel I am, I am glad you are my father.”

Castiel patted the young man on the knee. “I know I probably scared you pretty bad when I attacked you, I don’t know if I can forgive myself for it but I hope you can forgive me.”

“I forgive you father, I know you weren’t in your right head. Yes it did hurt my feelings but Gabriel cheered me up. He took me out for pancakes and he let me use as much syrup as I wanted. He told me about the time he taught you how to fly and you landed in the ocean.”

Castiel frowned. “Gabriel’s stories might be exaggerated a bit.”

Jack frowned. “Uncle lied?”

“No he probably embellished them.” Then he laughed. “Actually now that I think about it, I think I did land in the ocean.”

“Uncle said he has a lot of blackmail material.” Jack wasn’t really sure what that meant. He had heard of blackmail before but he couldn’t see how Gabriel’s stories could be used in that way.

Castiel blushed and shook his head. “Listen Jack if you are interested in my past we can discuss it sometime, just remember Gabriel likes to embellish.”

Jack smiled. “I would like that very much father.”

Castiel gave a nod. “Good. Perhaps once I am cured of whatever is going on in my head I tell you some stories.” He patted the boy’s knee again and gave a sad smile.

“Castiel, I am not upset with you I do forgive you for what happened I promise.” He got up from his chair. “And I promise that I will help Sam help you and I mean really help you this time so you can tell me those stories.”

“Okay Jack.” He gave a soft smile and got up from the bed.

The two of them hugged again. Jack buried his head in his father’s chest he enjoyed his comforting presence.

His father patted him on the head and whispered. “Love you.”

“I love you too, father.” Jack responded and he pulled away. “I am going to help Sam, okay?” He asked for permission

Castiel nodded. “That is fine, son.”

“Are you going to come with me?” He asked his voice hopeful

He shook his head. “No I am going to stay here with Dean. I want to be here when he wakes up so I can apologize.” He looked down at Dean his face was so full of sadness

“Dean will forgive you, he loves you a lot.” Jack said with a smile. He had seen the two of them interact together and it was touching.

“I hope so, Jack.” Castiel said he’s eyes were still focused on Dean

Jack bid his father goodbye and stepped out of the room. He’s heart is filled with hopefulness and happiness. Soon the family will be back together, and soon he can hear all the interesting details of Castiel’s life as a fledgling. Jack couldn’t help but smile he was ready for this to be over for everything to get back to normal.


	12. Chapter 12

Castiel sat down on Dean’s bed after Jack had left the room. He didn’t think he could help them in any form or fashion. He’s head pounded, his vision blurred, he felt as bad as he did when this ordeal started. He looked to his sleeping partner and his heart ached. He did this too Dean, he drained him and pumped him so full of grace it made him go to sleep. He sighed. He was always doing something and hurting people he loved. He balled his hands and rested them on his knees. Why did this always happen to him? He’s heart ached no matter how hard he tried not to he still hurt people he loved. He stared at Dean watched his eyes move under his eye lids. Castiel wondered if he was having a peaceful dream.

            Castiel laid down beside Dean, his hand ran up and down Dean’s arm exploring his arm muscles the feel of them under his clothes. He’s heart swells with love and attraction. He cannot believe he had ever forgotten how much he had loved the human male before him. Castiel knew he had never known a love like this. A love that burned deep within his grace.

            He remembered how much he was in denial; he remembered his brethren had asked him ‘why are you so fond of the human?’ Uriel was the first to notice it, called him out on it informing him that a human was beneath them Michael’s vessel or not. He was dragged out of Jimmy Novak’s body and was taken to heaven for reprogramming. He could remember the sensation of the drill in his head and Naomi repeated questions, ‘do you love the human known as Dean Winchester?’ Her repeated attempts to get him to see he was wrong. Castiel had put those thoughts in the back of his mind. He told himself feeling that way for Dean, wanting to help Dean stop Apocalypse was wrong. He was an angel and it was God’s will, until he started to wonder why would God want the destruction of his world and its many creations.

            His questioning is what brought him down this path. Between Dean and Anna he had begun to think to wonder for himself. A feeling he know realized that he had all along but was robbed from him by Naomi and her so called reprograming. He had fought it off he wasn’t going to be the mindless solider they wanted he was going to be his own man.

            He smiled bitterly at that memory and turned to Dean and caressed his face. Gave up everything and fell for Dean in many ways. He had never questioned it, it felt right. He never pondered why then Sam and even Bobby started to ask him about it. Love. They asked Castiel if he was in love with Dean. He remembered telling them no. It was taboo, immoral, an abomination for an angel to love a human like that. He denied his feelings over and over again until he talked to Balthazar and his long friend said to him. “Cassie it really sounds like you’re in love with this Dean person.” Castiel remembered how shocked he was at that statement. He started to wonder then was it true. He had pushed his feelings aside for a long time. He told himself that Dean loved Lisa and didn’t harbor any feelings for him, then when everything went south with Lisa, Castiel felt guilty. His actions led to her getting hurt and her and Ben forgetting about Dean internally. It was his fault, his selfishness lead him to that point. He broke Sam in hopes of keeping Dean away so he could get the souls of Purgatory. It hurt him to see Dean so hurt by his actions.

            He never wanted to think about the pain he caused the two of them, heaven or even Earth during that time when he thought himself God. He shuttered at those memories. He remembered taking on Sam’s mental illness and then his own insanity. Dean yelled at him over that game of Sorry. He was frightened of what Dean would have done to him.

            He looked at the hunter’s peaceful face and silently hoped the hunter would not lash out at him for his actions today. He ran his fingers along his jaw line and took in the image of his face. Dean’s wonderful face.

            When they were in Purgatory he remembered standing guard as Dean slept. He wanted nothing more than to cuddle the hunter, hold him close and beg for his forgiveness for the things he had done but he never acted on it. He’s presence put them in danger and he knew he needed to be punished for his actions. When he let go of Dean’s hand to stay in purgatory, it was his punishment. A world without Dean Winchester it was his punishment. He couldn’t live with his actions and he would gladly die by a monster's hands than hurt him again.

            Castiel sighed as he ran his hands along Dean’s chest. He hovered over his beating heart and just felt the thumps. Dean was alive. He’s heart beat brought a comfort to the angel that he could not explain. He pulled Dean closer to him and held him.

            Castiel even now could not remember what happened when he left purgatory. He couldn’t remember the rescue or what happened in heaven. But he remembered following Dean, the human couldn’t see him and it hurt more than it should have. When the human could finally see him the look of pure joy made Castiel’s heart swell. He had never seen such a look of pure joy on the man’s face. He told himself that Dean was dealing with the guilt of ‘leaving him’ in purgatory and it was nothing more than that.

            He buried his head in Dean’s hair and let out a content sigh. Castiel had buried he’s feelings at the time. Told himself that their relationship was a friendship and that was what he was feeling. He had no frame of reference for it. The angels in heaven weren’t a very affectionate family and the closets things he had to a sibling relationship had ended eons ago. To him it was nothing; he was not in love with Dean. He remembered telling himself that lie over and over until he had become human. Being human let him feel emotions more freely than he had ever before, he could understand them with a clarity he had never had before. He remembered kissing that reaper April and in the back of his mind he wished it was Dean. Sure he gave into it, yes he did enjoy it but it wasn’t special it wasn’t want he wanted. He realized then, and even more so when he opened his eyes up to see Dean in front of him after April had killed him. He’s heart pounded in his chest and he wanted to take the hunter in his arms, kiss and make love to him for all eternity. He was no longer in denial at that moment. He was without a doubt in love with Dean.

            Castiel smiled to himself. He couldn’t believe it took him so long to realize it. Let alone actually tell Dean. The angel kept it to himself for many reasons, one of the biggest was he was fairly certain that he didn’t share the same feelings. He remembered when Dean became a demon; Sam had assured him that Dean felt the same. Stated that Dean simply wasn’t himself with him gone. Castiel never believed him it couldn’t have been true.

            When he was in that barn and he could feel his life force giving out he knew then he knew he had to tell Dean. He remembered he focused on Dean and said. “I love you.” He had hoped that Dean understood what he meant. When they returned to the bunker he remembered Dean getting him alone and questioning it. Castiel smiled as he remembered how big Dean’s eyes got when he told him. “I meant it Dean I am in love with you. Like love, love like holding hands and sharing kisses on the hood of the Impala.” The first kiss between them was much better than any of Castiel’s fantasies about it. Dean had wrapped his arms around him, captured his head in one hand and pulled him in for a kiss. It was soft and warm, and when he had kissed him back he could remember feeling Dean give a groan as he clutched his trench coat. Castiel knew the kiss could not last forever but it lasted a long while.

            He looked at Dean’s lips he would give anything to feel them again. He’s lips craved the need to have Dean’s on them. Dean was a hell of a kisser far better than any kiss he had received from anyone before. He loved the warmth the feel of it. It filled him with joy and rightness. He ran a finger along those lips and smiled to himself.

            Then suddenly Dean’s eyes fluttered open. “Ugh? Good morning baby.” He grumbled. Sleep was deep in his voice.

            “Dean?” Castiel asked. He was surprised the hunter was awake. Did he get enough sleep? “How are you?”

            “Groggy and tired as shit.” He rubbed his eyes then looked at him thoughtful. “How about you?”

            “I uh remember everything.”

            “Oh,” He yawned. “Gabe fixed you huh? About damn time.”

            He shook his head. “No Dean I read your memories. It unlocked my memories when I did it…” He paused then looked at Dean for recognition. The human looked confused.

            “Read my mind?”

            “Yeah uh, Dean I almost killed you.”

            The hunter blinked. “Well son of bitch Cas. What did I tell you about doing stupid shit?” He sounded a bit annoyed. He got closer to the angel and buried his head in his chest.

            “I feared you would be angry with me.” Castiel ran his hands along Dean’s back.

            Dean shook his head. “Nah, I don’t remember it.” He yawned again. “I’m just really tired and sore.”

            Castiel nodded. Him not remembering was probably a blessing. He kissed the top of Dean’s head.

            “Last thing I remember is you not remembering me.” He kissed Castiel’s neck which sent a surge of electricity through the angel. “And that sucked. Like pretty bad.” He kissed him again on a different spot. “I thought you dying was bad but you not remembering me was worse.”

            Castiel chuckled. “Noted you’d rather I be dead than not remember you.”

            Dean looked up at him and frowned. “That sounded awful. I meant it was like you were dead but you weren’t. It was like you were some other guy.”

            Castiel kissed him on the forehead. “I assure you that I am the Castiel you know.”

            “Good.” Dean yawned. He looked up at him his eyes hazy and needy. “Been so long since I got to touch you.” He clung to him. He kissed his hand and pulled him even closer. “I missed this.”

            “I missed this too. I didn’t remember this but I missed it.” He kissed Dean on the lips. Dean snakes he’s arms around Cas’s neck to deepen the kiss. When they break apart Dean’s green eyes are full of love and Castiel can’t help but smile.

            “If I wasn’t so tired right now man I’d,” He grinned and wiggled his eye brows. “So you how much I missed you.”

            “Noted.” Castiel said and he planted a kiss on Dean’s head. “But I think you should recover some more. We have plenty of time for those types of activities.”

            Dean gave a nod and rested his head on Castiel’s shoulder. “Goodnight.” He mumbled in it.

            He smiled to himself. He knew Dean had gone back to sleep. He ran his hands along his back. He would stay with him, stay with him and hold him and watch him sleep. Because he loved him, he loved Dean so much even when he had forgotten him his heart yearned for him. “I love you Dean.” He said to himself like a chant. He wasn’t going to let anything take him away from him nothing at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes folks this story is starting to come to an end. Thanks for sticking with more so far. Thanks for the kudos and comments. :)


	13. Chapter 13

 

            Sam cast a glance back to his brother’s room. He told himself Dean was fine, Cas was with him keeping an eye on him. He knew Dean was in good hands… now he just had to help Cas. He smiled to himself, Cas was a dear friend and he knew he would do whatever was needed to help him; not only because he was a friend but because he made Dean so happy. In all the years Sam has been alive he has never seen Dean as happy as he is now being with Castiel. They may not be the same species, but the two made each other whole.

            “You really think Bobby can help?” Gabriel asked knocking Sam out of his train of thought.

            “I don’t know but we got to try.” Sam said with a shrug.

            Gabriel bit his lip and pushed his long hair out of his eyes. “I hope he can because I am at a loss here.”

            Sam, Gabriel walked into the library. Rowena was there drinking tea with her nose in a book. Mary was beside her and Bobby was at the end of the table book in front of him and a frown on his face.

            Mary looked up from her book when they walked in. “How’s Dean? Is he okay?” Her voice dripped with worry.

            Sam nodded. “He’s fine. He’s just really exhausted now.”

            “Yeah, after a shock like that he’s going to be asleep for a bit.” Gabriel assured.

            “What exactly happened?” She asked. She folded her hands and rested her chin on them. It was pretty clear she was worried.

            Sam sighed. “Cas read Dean’s mind, when he got in there he couldn’t stop and he dug in too deep,”

            “What?” Mary’s eyes blew wide, Rowena looked up from her book, and Bobby frowned.

            “It’s not as bad as it sounds.” Gabriel started

            Sam looked at him. Gabriel was lying. He was in that room with him and the archangel was clearly freaking out for a good five minutes when they went in. He remained silent though maybe it was better if they kept it to themselves; it was bad enough all the refuges from the other world took off because they were afraid of the angels with them he didn’t want to freak out Bobby too.

            “See we use grace to use our powers,” Gabriel continued.

            “Yeah we all know that.” Bobby said his tone dark

            “Well when Cas was in there in his brain, too much grace was used and well it overloaded Dean’s body.”

            “So he is okay right?” Mary asked

            “Yeah, I checked he’s good. He’ll probably sleep for a while though.” Gabriel said.

            “And Cas regained his memories.” Sam added

            Rowena frowned. “Really? I didn’t undo the spell that is… odd.”

            “When he seen those memories of him and Dean it recovered them.” Gabriel said

            “Hmmm you angels are tougher than I thought.” Rowena added.

            Sam frowned. “Well we are thinking now that maybe all this that is happening with Cas is still related to what he’s alternate version did. The thinking is whatever he did to Cas keeps changing with every attempt we make to fix him. He was sick Jack healed him, then after that Rowena used that spell and it blocked everything, and now he just read Dean’s mind and everything comes back. It’s like an angelic curse or something.”

            “Is that a thing?” Mary looked at Gabriel and asked.

            Gabriel shrugged. “I have no idea. In all my life I haven’t heard of it but that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible.” He gestured to Rowena. “Up until she told me she used her attack dog spell on Cas I didn’t think we could be affected by witch craft.”

            Rowena smirked. “Always happy to prove people wrong.”

            Sam looked at Bobby. “So with that in mind, Bobby have you heard of the angels using curses or magic in your world?”

            Bobby sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Well not really, we didn’t have a lot of information about what they did because most people captured by them were killed by them.” He shot a look at Gabriel. “You’re an archangel can’t you tell if he’s cursed or not?”

            Gabriel frowned. “If I could I would have. I would have ended this a while ago.”

            Bobby looked at Mary. “Well she’s the only person I know personally who survived being in their capture. Sorry can’t help you with your angel problem.”

            “Can’t or won’t?” Gabriel asked his arms crossed

            Sam elbowed him. “Stop it Gabe don’t start a fight.” He whispered to the archangel

            “Well Sammy he’s being a huge dick.” He whispered back

            Jack walked into the library. “Father definitely has he’s memories back.” He gave a bright smile.

            Sam nodded. “That’s good.” He patted Jack on the shoulder. He was happy to see the Nephilim happy again. He didn’t think he could take him being so sad and hurting himself again.

            “Do we have a way to cure Castiel?” Jack asked he’s eyes bright and eager.

            “No not yet.” Sam said.

            “So,” Mary started. “When Jack healed him Cas remembered everything that Naomi removed from his mind right?”

            “Yeah,” Sam said with a nod

            “How does she do that?” Mary asked

            Gabriel frowned. “It looks like a drill, it’s got Enochian enchantments and it’s able to dig in the angel’s brain. Then it can remove memories, block them and even brainwash them. They used it whenever an angel got out of line or they thought they needed to be reprogrammed.” Gabriel’s voice sounded sad as he explained the drill to them.

            Rowena shuttered. “Ugh that sounds bloody awful. That poor dear going through something like that, that’s just dreadful.”

            “What if… in the other world instead of a drill they have a curse to keep them in line? Think about it if they are waging a war a curse or spell would be easier than using some drill.” Sam suggested. “If some angel goes against an order than bam they could use the spell and mess them up, the angel wouldn’t be able to fight back. I mean we seen Cas after he was hit by it, he was sick, had a head ache, then when Jack tried to cure him it started the memory thing.”

            Gabriel looked at Sam. “Does the Bunker have any Enochian texts?”

            “Umm yeah we do. It’s not much but we have it archived.” Sam said

            The archangel took off towards the archive and yelled. “I have an idea!”

            Mary got up from the table. “Well while he is looking for the books I’m going to check on Dean.”

 

*************

 

            Mary walked up to Dean’s room and knocked on the door. She knew Cas was with him and hoped she wasn’t interrupting anything.

            “Come in.” She heard from the other side of the door.

            She opened the door and walked in. Not much to her surprise Dean was fast asleep in his bed and Castiel was holding him close to his chest.

            “Hello Mary.” Cas said with his usual gruff and flat tone.

            She smiled. She couldn’t help it seeing the angel hold Dean like that warmed her heart. She sat in a chair by the bed. “I came to check on Dean.” She whispered.

            “You don’t have to worry about waking him up. He’s in a deep sleep.” Castiel replied. He stroked Dean’s hair

            “Well good.” She smiled again as the angel ran his fingers through Dean’s hair again. She felt like she was interrupting them and yet felt like she was in the presence of something wonderful. Castiel’s bright blue eyes focused solely on Dean’s sleeping form it was a loving look. One she had often seen on John’s face when he looked at her. “Dean is truly lucky to have you.”

            Cas smiled. “It gladdens me that you feel that way Mary.” He pulled Dean closer to him.

            “Of course Cas you take good care of my boy. Well both of my boys.”

            He let out a sigh. “I’m not sure how much help I am these days.” He grumbled

            “Don’t be like that you’re plenty helpful.” She noticed him flinch and frown. “Are you okay, Castiel?”

            The angel gave a half nod. “My head is killing me. I’m still having problems sorting through everything.” He laid his hand on Dean. “But I am with Dean, I remember him, and he is safe so I am better.”

            “Maybe you should get some rest.” She suggested

            “I don’t sleep though plus laying here with Dean is rest. I want to help everyone find a cure for me but I’m so scrambled I don’t think I could spell my name.”

            “You hide it very well.” She noticed Dean stir and she worried they were bothering him.

            “Well I am not doing much complex thinking.” He responded with a shrug

            She nodded then Dean rolled over. “Dean?” She asked fearing that she had bothered him

            Her eldest son slowly opened his eyes. “Mom?” He questioned. His voice was thick with sleep and his eyes were hazy.

            “Hello sweetie, I came to check on you.” She said with a smile.

            Dean smiled back. He looked around and seemed to suddenly realize he was in bed with Cas. He’s face burning bright red he moved away from the angel. “Sorry I ugh.”

            She shrugged. “I don’t care, don’t be embarrassed. It’s not like I walked in on you two… you know.” She blushed

            Dean blushed also. “Well it’s still…” He shook his head

            “Do you feel better?” Cas asked. He clearly was not fazed by the situation, Mary noticed. While Dean looked completely embarrassed to be caught cuddling Castiel didn’t seem to care.

            Dean was silent for a second as if assessing himself. “I feel a little bit better. I just know I’m ready to get up. I’m hungry.” He went to get out of bed and nearly fell to his knees.

            “Dean!” Mary shouted. She caught her son the best she could.

            Castiel rushed to their side as fast as he could Mary noticed how he wobbled a few times on his way too them. “Dean don’t push yourself.”

            He looked at him. “Look who’s talking, you’re walking like a new born deer.”

            “I am fine.” Cas argued his legs wobbled and betrayed him as he suddenly sat back on the bed.

            Mary let out a sigh. “I don’t think either of you need to be up right now.” She helped Dean get steady on his feet.

            “But I need to pee.” Dean whined which took Mary back to his childhood, arguing with him in the grocery store and him whining about needing to use the bathroom.

            She laughed. “I guess somethings never change. Do you need help?”

            Dean blushed. “No, that’s,” He shook his head. “No.” He made it to the bathroom on his own.

            Mary turned her attention to Castiel. He was staring ahead, eyes half lidded like he wasn’t real sure what was going on. “Cas,” She started. She reached out and laid a hand on his shoulder.

            The angel looked up at her. His blue eyed looked lost. “Where did Dean go?” He asked

            Worry shot through her. “He went to the bathroom Cas remember?”

            He shook his head. “No not really.”

            “I think you should lie down.” She suggested.

            He nodded. “That might be a good idea.” The angel crawled back into the bed. He’s body clearly weary

            She bit her lip. She hoped they could help him. She heard Dean stumble back into the room.

            “We got any leads about how to help him?” Dean asked

            “They are looking into the Enochian books in the archives. Sam is thinking that it’s a curse. Something those angels were using to keep angels under control like.”

            Dean frowned as he looked at Cas’s suffering form. “I got to help him.” He grumbled

            “Dean you’re in no condition to help.” Mary laid her hand on her son’s shoulder. “Let your family take care of it.”

            He frowned. His focus on Cas.

            “Listen,” She turned Dean to face her. “I know it hurts, and it sucks but you have all of us looking for something to help Cas. We care about him too Dean.” She assured him.

            He nodded. “I know I just… I can’t just lay here while he’s suffering. I mean he forgot what happened between me going to the bathroom and coming back.” He sighed. “I got to help him I,” He’s words were cut off by the door flinging open.

            “I have a cure!” Gabriel shouted as he stormed into the bed room a vile in his hand.

            “The hell man!” Dean yelled. “Knock before you enter someone’s room! What if I was in here naked or I was,”

            “Banging Cas?” Gabriel smirked. “Well I doubt you would be with your mom in here.” He held up the vile to Dean. “Here, one cure for Cas.”

            Dean took the bottle then looked at Cas. “So what he just drinks this or something?”

            Gabriel nodded. “Yeah so it turns out that it was a curse. An old, old curse, I never seen it before because it was used after I left heaven. Apparently some jackass tried to use it on an angel to kill them. Well it backfired and all they did was piss off some angel. But they made a cure; they thought if they infected an angel with it they could bribe them to work for them. Doesn’t look that they ever used it though.”

            “So this may not help Cas?” Dean asked.

            “We just got to try.” Mary suggested. She walked around the bed. Gabriel helped get Cas into a sitting position and Mary opened Cas’s mouth. “Do it Dean.” She noticed how limp the angel was now. Worry flashed through her what if this didn’t work.

            Dean uncapped the vile and poured it into Cas’s mouth. “Good medicine Cas.”

            Mary tilted the angel’s head back to get him to swallow the liquid. The angel let out a cough but relaxed quickly. “How long is this going to take?”

            “Not sure the book was a little vague on that.” Gabriel said

            Suddenly Castiel shot up in bed. He let out a shuttering cough as if gasping for air.

            Dean went into a panic and grabbed Cas. “Calm down Cas just breathe.”

            Cas coughed louder and shuttered.

            Gabriel materialized a bucket and handed it to him. Cas pushed Dean aside and took to bucket and filled it with bile. “He’s fine it’s the curse coming up.”

            Cas coughed and heaved again. He whipped his mouth with the back of his hand and handed the bucket back to Gabriel who made it vanish again. “Thanks.” He’s voice sounded raw now.

            “Are you okay?” Dean asked he leaned over Cas and held his shoulders.

            The angel nodded. “I… I can finally think clearly. The head ache is gone now, I finally feel whole.” He coughed again. “Are you okay Dean?”

            Dean shrugged. “Well since you’re okay than I am too.”

            Gabriel gave a fake gag. “Gross man could you be anymore cheesy.”

            Dean glared at him. “Hey man you’re the one in my room.”

            The archangel rolled his eyes.

            Mary laughed. “I think we should go.” She said to Gabriel. “Dean what do you want to eat?”

            He smiled. “A pizza, and some beer and don’t forget,”

            “The pie, I know.” She smiled. “You two relax and that’s an order from your mother.” She said and left the room. She headed to the library area her heart filled with joy. Everyone was sitting there talking to themselves and they turned and looked at her when she walked in. “Cas is cured.”

            Sam and Jack breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s great news.” Sam said with a smile.

            She nodded. “Dean is up too. He asked for pizza, beer, and pie.” She chuckled.

            “We are going to celebrate!” Dean cheered. He walked into the library with Cas wrapped around his arm.

            “Dean I told you to rest.” Mary scolded.

            Dean laughed. “I’m fine, and so is Cas so I think we should celebrate as a family.” He stumbled a little and Cas helped him into a chair.

            Gabriel walked in after them. “They wouldn’t stay in bed.” He said with a shrug after she gave him a hard look.

            Dean grinned.

            Sam got up from the table and shook his head. “Dean is stubborn.” He said to his mother. “Let’s go get the food so we can have this party.” He said with a laugh. And the two of them left to get everything for the party.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are at the end of this story. I like to thank everyone for the kudos, comments, bookmarks and subscriptions. It means a lot to me.

Castiel smiled contently. He watched Dean as he eagerly ate his pizza, drank his beer, and chatted with everyone. He felt peace, peace at last. It finally felt like things were going right. There was nothing trying to destroy the world, or them, he could remember everything (which was a blessing and a curse) but most of all he could see Dean smile. The hunter he gave up heaven for, the hunter he chose to stay with rather than his fellow angels. He slowly reached out and took Dean’s hand that was resting on his leg under the table. He gave it a soft squeeze and Dean returned the action.

            “So what are you going to do now?” Sam asked Gabriel which broke Cas out of his ‘Dean trance’. He couldn’t help but smile at that, that term that Sam had used once when he talked about the two of them staring at each other for long spaces of time.

            Gabriel gave a small smile. He was in the middle of eating at a piece of pie. Castiel often wondered how he got past the molecule taste. He decided he would ask his brother about it sometime. “Well Cas told me that heaven needs me. I think,” He slung his arm around Rowena and the witch giggled. “I’m taking this lucky woman out on a few dates then I’m going to make my way back upstairs. Some ones got to fix what my brothers did.”

            Dean nodded. “Well just so you know you always got a place to stay in the bunker. After what you did for me and Cas I think it’s the least we can do.” He sipped his beer.

            “Aww.” Gabriel squealed with a large grin. “Little Deano likes me.”

            Dean frowned. Cas could sense he regretted telling Gabriel he had a home in the bunker. “No I still remember how you killed me like a hundred times and trapped me in a TV world, I’m only being nice because you helped us and you’re Cas’s brother and that’s all.” He responded and finished his beer.

            The archangel shrugged. “Okay then can I keep the same room I had before?”

            “The one where you wrote about the porn stars? Sure” Dean said with a laugh

            Rowena shot Gabriel a dirty look and the archangel just laughed and said. “I couldn’t talk they had to know what happened. Besides I’ll ease it.” He got up from the table and extended his hand to her. “My lady are you ready to go?”

            She nodded and wiped her mouth with a napkin. She took his hand and stood up. “Well Winchesters it was nice.” She put on her usual fake flirty smile. “But try not to need more for a while.” She gave a stretch. “Spending on that time holding that portal open, the pouring through books and making that recovery potion is just too hard on a lady. I’m not a young witch you know.”

            “Later guys,” Gabriel gave a half wave and a wink then vanished with Rowena

            “Dude your brother is weird.” Dean muttered to him.

            Cas nodded in agreement when he suddenly heard Gabriel in his head.

            _“Oh hey Cassie, I forgot if you need help with Jack just call me okay. After all you know I am good with fledglings. Take care and remember you were my favorite little brother.”_

Cas smiled to himself. He seen Dean notice it and raised an eye brow. Cas called back to Gabriel.

            _“So now you’re admitting I’m your favorite? Don’t go telling the other angels that they might get jealous, and don’t worry I’ll contact you if I need help with Jack. You try to stay out of trouble and remember you’re my favorite older brother.”_

            “Angel radio?” Dean asked

            Cas blinked. “Yeah how did you know?”

            Dean chuckled. “Because man you make a really weird ass face when you use it like you’re trying to poop or something.”

            Cas rolled his eyes. “Dean,” He started but was interrupted by Mary.

            “I hate to leave you boys now but I and Bobby were going to go.” She folded her hands and blushed for a minute. “Dona is going to let us use her cabin and well…” She looked at Bobby who smiled at her and she smiled back. “We are going to go and have some alone time.”

            Sam got up from his chair when Mary and Bobby got up. “It’s fine mom we understand.” He said. He walked over to her and hugged her.

            “Thank you Sam.” She said.

            Jack got up and hugged her as well. “Be careful Mary,” He looked at Bobby. “You too.”

            Bobby nodded. “Yeah kid, you take care of these idjits.”

            Dean hugged Mary. “Don’t be a stranger. You both have a home here too.”

            Mary smiled. “I know Dean. This is only for a little while. We’ll be back before you know it.” She walked up to Cas and hugged him too. “Take care of my boys.”

            “Of course.” He responded.

            Mary and Bobby left in the direction of the garage. They had long packed their bags with the intention of leaving for a while.

            Sam gave a small sigh. “Guess I’ll start cleaning up.” He started picking up plates.

            “I will help.” Jack said. He started to pick up plates too.

            Dean suppressed a yawn.

            Cas rubbed his back and Dean leaned into. “Maybe you should go back to bed.” It was getting late. It took the family a long while to find a cure for him.

            Dean shook his head. “I’m fine.” He yawned again as he picked up a plate.

            Sam took the plate out of his hand. “Dean just get some sleep okay. I and Jack can take care of this.” He gestured to the mess on the table.

            Jack nodded. “Yes fathers you should both get some rest. A hunt may come up tomorrow so you should both get some rest.”

            Dean frowned. “I’m fine.”

            Cas rubbed his back and Dean leaned into it more. “Dean you barely have your eyes open.” He wrapped his arms around him. “Let’s go and get some rest okay.”

            Dean nodded and started towards his room. They bid the other two goodnight as they went down the hall.

            Once they made it to Dean’s room Cas pulled down the covers of the bed.

            Dean rolled his eyes as he kicked his boots off. “Going to tuck me in Cas?” He asked. He didn’t change out of his lounge wear so he was pretty much ready for bed as is.

            “If you want me to I will Dean.” Cas said. He smiled at him. He wanted to take care of the hunter.

            The boots hit the ground with a thud. Dean laughed. “Okay then Cas, since you’re having a maternal moment I’ll let you do it.” He said. He crawled into bed.

            Cas reached to the covers. “I don’t do this for just anyone you know.” He teased.

            Dean grabbed his arm. “Forget tucking me in, just get in bed with me.”

            Cas raised an eye brow. “But I do not acquire sleep, Dean.”

            Dean stared into his eyes with intensity. “Come on please, Cas.”

            He shrugged. “I wasn’t planning on going anywhere but if you insist.” He crawled in the bed beside him. Dean laid his head on his chest and Cas began to play with his hair.

            “Hmm feels good.” He mumbled as he buried his head further into his chest. “Hey Cas,” He started.

            “Yes Dean?” He asked in Dean’s hair. His lips brushed against Dean’s forehead.

            “Could you stay all night tonight? I don’t think I want to be alone tonight.”

            Cas nodded. “Of course Dean, whatever you need.”

            Dean ran his hand up his chest and let out a content sound. “You know I was thinking… maybe we should take a vacation.”

            “Vacation?” He asked as Dean planted soft kisses on his chest.

            “Yeah you know vacation, time off, a holiday. Don’t they have those in heaven?”

            He ran his hand along his back. “No Dean, to an angel our job is everything. We never take breaks.”

            “That sucks.” He looked up at him. “I was thinking about how mom and Bobby took off for some alone time maybe we should do the same.”

            “You and me?”

            “Yeah of course you and me, we can go to the beach or maybe we can break into some cabin somewhere. Or go camping.” He ran his fingers along his jaw. “Would you like that Castiel?”

            Cas blinked at him using his full name. It was rare Dean ever did it; it warmed his heart to hear him say his full name. “Using my full name you must want something.” He said. He grabbed Dean’s hand and pulled it to his mouth and kissed it. “Of course I would love to go on this vacation with you Dean. But would you truly take a vacation?”

            Dean nodded. “Yeah I would, nothing is trying to kill us now. I think I need one.” He sat up and moved closer to Cas. He cupped his face and ran his fingers along his face. “I mean it just you and me and some quality alone time. Not just lying in my bed with pillow talk, like I am talking full on dates and public displays of affection.”

            Cas laughed. “Are you finally getting over being affectionate in public?” He teased. Most of the time when they were out it was on a hunt and Dean had told him that two FBI agents wouldn’t be holding hands during an interview. When it came to around town, Dean would often give him soft kisses on the cheek or wrap his arm around his. It wasn’t much but Cas would take it.

            “Hell ya you’re my boyfriend. Plus I’m tired of chicks checking you out. I want anyone that sees you to know that you’re spoken for.” Dean laid his head on his shoulder. He’s hand ran up and down Cas’s chest. “I’m serious Cas let’s take a vacation.”

            The angel ran his hand along Dean’s back. “Of course Dean let us take a vacation. I have never had one before and it would be nice to take some time off for us.” Cas could feel Dean smile in his chest.

            “Thanks Cas.” He whispered. He’s breathing became steady and Castiel knew that in that moment that Dean had drifted off to sleep.

            He kissed the top of Dean’s forehead softly. “I love you Dean.” He whispered in his hair. The hunter is fast asleep on his chest and in his arms. His heart filled with hope that nothing will ever change this. He holds the man close to him and listens to his breathing. He reached for the phone in his pocket and begins to search for a nice place to take a vacation. He smiled when he finds the perfect place and saved the website to show Dean in the morning. He buried his head into Dean’s hair he may not sleep but he finds complete peace in these moments with Dean. He studies the hunter as he spaces out into his own little world day dreaming of the vacation they will take together. Everything will be okay he knows that in his heart.

           

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shameless self promotion here; if you enjoyed this I have other Dean/Cas stories you can check out on my profile. Also I plan on writing some more one shots so keep your eyes out for those.   
> Thanks again for reading!,
> 
> With Love FKAErinElric :)


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